Sunday, December 26, 2004

An Onion's Promise

I, Anya Christine Mitchell, promise to post again when I get back to South Carolina.

I promise.

Friday, December 10, 2004

five day warning ....FIVE DAYS!!

THIS is the hottest december i have ever experienced and THIS is what i plan to do while i'm home (in no specific order):

-cry (respectfully) each time a see a parent or sibling
-get drunk off eggnog and coke (and by drunk i mean drinking a lot of it)
-see ocean's 12 with sara and the luxions (and whoever else)
-get together with lucy
-have a movie night with karen and riane
-see a basketball game
-talk about basketball and such things around the nilles' dinner table
-eat taco bell for lunch
-drink cold chai
-edit/make "The Wait: Moments Before We All Met Amia Carmen."
-take long walks with raizan EVERYday
-go paint shopping with matthew
-make birthday list
-have birthday party with the WHOLE family on CHRISTMAS EVE
-paint/decorate matthew's room
-eat east china inn
-plant a tree
-have some el taco grande
-try to design a cover for the Baha'i Youth Corp
-figure out how to make a secret something something for a sister that is getting married
-go to katie and nathans wedding (i mean i have to at least make an appearance....hahaha i'm KIDDING katie!!!!)
-convince myself to get back on a plane
-play in the snow
-have hot chocolate with whipped cream
-play eurcher
-wear my winter coat with scarves and gloves and a hat, not just because i want to but because i need to (i'm a winter baby can you tell?)
-go to chicago to skate, shop, walk, and possibly eat at cheesecake factory
-play with vahid and katana!!

Take me home
Take me home and leave me there

Monday, November 29, 2004


my biggest struggle thus far: being able to be me.

besides the fact that i miss everyone back home, i also miss just being myself. for the last two and half months i've been acting like how i would act at school if i didn't have a friend in my class. which is quite and reserved. gradually (slowly, very slowly) throughout the time i've been here i have been becoming less shy and reserved . but then last week i just got fed up with it and i completely stopped being that way. ever since then i've felt much better about things and i also felt more comfortable here.

i have been neglectful to my blog for the last month or so, i know. i'm sorry, i just didn't have anything i felt i needed to write. i finally got in touch with all my sisters and even got to talk to my whole family on thanksgiving. i also got to talk to a couple of friends. so it was the most wonderful thanksgiving i could have had here. anyways, i was talking to my dad last night and guess when my family is going to celebrate my birthday? since my birthday is January 8th, my family planned to celebrate it on december 24. it makes perfect sense when you think about it, like katie's wedding, everyone will be there, i'm leaving three days before my birthday and stuff like that. but still isn't that funny. december 24, like two weeks before my real birthday. but i'm looking forward to it, because for one i'll be home , two it's on christmas eve so it's kinda like i get to feel the excitement that everyone else feels on christmas eve, and three i'll be with my WHOLE family (which is what i always want for my birthday). oh no! is east china inn open on christmas eve?? this i must find out. i am beyond craving east china inn and if they are not open on christmas eve...i just don't want to think about that sort of disappointment right now. I'M COMING HOME IN ELEVEN AND A HALF DAYS!!

We never change, do we?
We never learned to leave,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
I wanna live life, always be true,
I wanna live life, and be good to you,
I wanna fly, and never come down,
And I live my life, and have friends around.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

one ticket for the crazy bus, please.

while waiting in the car i got overly excited about the most exciting topic to talk about...

"hey! let's talk about thanksgiving!"

...only to have my bubble bursted by (said in a 'you're crazy' tone)...

"...uhh, what about it?"

WHAT ABOUT IT? WHAT! ABOUT! IT!?--- i knew right then i was no longer in kansas. and by kansas (hi katie and nathan!) i mean illinois. it hit me hard. i am not home. i am not at a place or around people that have experienced a real thanksgiving. and by a real thanksgiving i'm talking about three day celebration full of people lining up to give you greeting hugs and hellos, lasagna on friday, capture the flag every night, carpetball during the day, real futbol on saturday afternoon followed by the reveal (and the inhalence) of the secret hiding place for the world famous "Becky's chocolate chip cookies", the best peanut butter cream pie your taste buds have every enjoyed, not to mention the worlds greatest buckeyes, and an overall great time spent with cousin's cousins. i miss those days. i miss them. i haven't been to a real thanksgiving in two years. TWO! years, people.

two. years.

even though i haven't had a true real thanksgiving in two years. i have had a real thanksgiving. and to explain a real thanksgiving i am going to use liza's explanation (because you did it so beautifully liza!)...

a real thanksgiving:

"We used to always go to Michigan for BIG extended-family fun (a.k.a. the real thanksgiving i'm talking about). But it got too complicated for various reasons and now we are in the process of figuring out what Thanksgiving will look like for us. Last year was our first "nuclear family only" ( a.k.a. the real thanksgiving i'm talking about ) Thanksgiving. Personally, I enjoyed it because it was such a unifying group effort. We had special teams: cooking team, set-up team, recreation team, and clean-up team. I made special badges for the teams (or least for the clean-up crew) and I recall a joyous scavenger hunt for prizes such as a back massage from Suzanne (and let's not forget all the egg nog and coke...mmm) . And then we all sat around and daydreamed about next year, when the baby would be with us (Suzanne and Husayn had just shared the news!)."

but even if you didn't get to experience my definition of a real or real thanksgiving how could you not like thanksgiving? Thanks. give. ing. a holiday to celebrate two of the best things in the world; family AND food. oh, boy! FAMILY AND FOOD celebrated TOGETHER ON THE SAME DAY! Could there be a better holiday!? i don't know what else to say. i mean, people, family AND food. AND food. could it get any better?

No, i think not.

and, yes, i did cry when my dad told me that my family was neither having a real or real thanksgiving this year. i mean it's just that sad.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

what is it, not be home when anya calls day or something?

Number of minutes on Anya's phone card two months ago: 416 minutes

first i call my parents. 26 minutes left on phone card

answering machine.

then i call my grandma. 25 minutes left on phone card

answering machine, i leave a message.

then i call my parents again. 24 minutes left on phone card

answering machine, i leave a message.

then i call suzanne. 23 minutes left on phone card


then i wait for katie to call. no use of phone card

suzanne calls back. "KATIE!!" i scream into the phone. "no, this is suzanne again. i called katie but i had to leave a message."

then i call liza. 2 MINUTES left on phone card

i think i get the machine when BRENT ANSWERS! he tries his best to pretend he is liza, well i wouldn't say it was his best but he tried. then my phone card decides to interupt--"YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE LEFT" i panic. ONE MINUTE I STILL HAVE TO TRY TO CALL SARA!!!

then i try to call sara. 0 minutes left on phone card


the weather here (for this week at least) has turned cold. the thanksgivingatfreindswald cold. this naturally makes me homesick. i'm not talking about the "oh, i'm homesick. i miss everyone" homesick. i'm talking about the my eyes are puffy, red, and watery with body movement/language that screams "i'm depressed" homesick. but do you know what makes this type of homesickness better? suzanne ANSWERING her phone, waiting for katie to call, calling liza and having brent try to pretend he is her as i use up the last minute on my phone card, and trying to call sara even though my phone card has no more minutes. after my many attempts to contact my family (and actually getting to talk to one!) my spirits were lifted. i went from a the lows of lows to the highest of highs. now can you imagine if i had actually got to talk to all these people? i wouldn't have been able to sleep! you know what's really hard? to think of postive things when you are in the depressive homesick mood. it's tough, but i'm working on it as best as i can.

Number of minutes on Anya's phone card two months later: ZIP, ZERO, NONE, NO minutes

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Wanna stay for dinner?!.....Wanna stay forever?!!

if there had been no peace fest this weekend or if telephones weren't invented halloween would have been really boring and really sad and pathetic. but (yay!) there was peace fest this weekend and the telephone was invented and there are actually telephone lines that reach hemingway, s.c. (gasp!). peace fest was a bit of a flop if you are counting the number of people that showed up. not as many people showed up as we would have liked but that was out of our control. but for me, peace fest was absolutely wonderful. i was adopted, got to be outside and enjoy the beautiful weather for once, was moving around having tons to do, and there were more than four people at dinner!! and that was just on saturday. on sunday i got to sleep in , take my time getting up,then i got to hand squeeze a bags of lemons for lemonade, got stuffed off of real southern cooking, and got to have some of the best brownies i have ever had.

it was nice to actually have people around and i was sad when mid-afternoon rolled around and everyone had to leave. "wanna stay for dinner?--wanna stay forever!!??" is what a small part of me wanted to scream as they said goodbye. okay, i lie. the majority of me wanted to scream as they said goodbye. then i went back to my trailer to find something to do for the rest of the night. right when i was starting to feel sad (that besides it was a eventful and fun day, in no way did it feel like halloween) i got one of the best phone calls of my life. OF MY LIFE PEOPLE, of my life! [much in part because due to the fact of the lack of people, i have become beyond talkative on the phone. i know, me!? the former ms. not a phone person of the century] and do you know who was on the other end of this phone call? well there was... my dad, tah, katana, chris, vahid, katana (again), my mom, daniel, kaylan, mady, matt , mady (again because matt left me!!), and matt (who decided to come back to talk to me).

it turns out that while trick or treating vahid (who used to live in batavia) saw that the lights were on in the house so he opened their door and walked right in and said, "hello! trick or treat! hi. i'm vahid. i used to live here, but now i don't. i live somewhere else now. but i used to live down the street."

[on the phone]
katana: anya, you come to play now?
me: not right now, but in december i will.
katana: you play with us? i miss you.

vahid: sometimes, when i am playing the games that we used to play together, it makes me think of you and i get sad. i miss you anya.

katana (the second time): you babysit us?
me: not today, but in december i will!
katana: anya?
me: yes katana?
katana: i love you.

mady: yeah at night vahid looks at the picture you gave him, which is on his night stand, rubs it... you know, like how he like to rub people's cheek when he wants them to make them do what he wants... and says, "i miss you anya." then gives it a hug from his bed and then says, "i'm going to say a prayer for anya now" and says the Blessed is the Spot prayer.

my heart melted, much like when i saw this picture. oh my goodness, what a heartmelter!

happy election day!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


a slim jim #4 with cheese.

(and i swear i'm not obsessed!)

Sunday, October 24, 2004

sweet dreams

i've been told that when you dream your spirit is unrestrained and gets to go where ever it pleases. i have been having the best dreams lately. first i had a dream where i got to run four miles. i must be my father's daughter because of lately all i want to do is run, run, run. [but i can't go running because there is no place to do this. i blame the people on the highway* that don't like to move over when they see you walking on the side] you wouldn't believe how happy {and sore for some random-craziness reason) i was when i woke up from this dream.

my second best dream had nothing to do with running but everything to do with amia. i was playing with her and was worried that she wouldn't like me because she didn't know me and was afraid she wouldn't like me. much to my relief she liked me and surprised me with all her talking. not only was she the funniest baby ever, she was the funniest person ever. she had me cracking up at everything she said. she was very sarcastic. at some points she was so sarcastic that i thought, "maybe this isn't amia and it's just me as a kid." it was a delightful dream. i love dreaming or more like i love when my spirit gets to be unrestrained.

*this is not your average highway. in fact in illinois we would call this a road where people go up to 80 on, like route 47 or something. but this is the lowland and here they call it a highway.


Joyful, joyful
Lord we adore Thee
God of Glory, Lord of Love
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee
Clearly as the sun above
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness
Drive the dark of doubt away
Giver of immortal gladness
Fill us with the light
Fill us with the light
Oh fill us with the light of day

Thursday, October 21, 2004

And Mr. January for the 2005 South Carolina African American Heritage Calendar is...

Mr. Louis G. Gregory.

On Thursday we got all dressed up and went to Columbia for the unveiling of the Bell South 2005 South Carolina African American Heritage Calendar. It was nice to go somewhere. It was like getting to go on a field trip in High School where you get to dress up. I think I like getting ready for a big event more than the actual event. That's why I didn't really care if I went to dances, because I would always help my friends find dresses, find shoes, pick a hair style, get make-up, and put it all together. I could be content with being a personal shopper. Oh man, I just thought about it and I would LOve that job. If you look at the pictures of my family at some wedding or an event like that, you would see me pouting because of the one fact that I hated dressing up. The only time I can remember liking it growing up was when I was like two or three and I was getting ready for our families (one and only) professional portrait. I loved my dress. I can still remember putting it on the downstairs bathroom in the Aurora house. I remember I put it on like it was a t-shirt without un-zipping it and my head got stuck. It felt like forever before my mom showed up, I mean I was screaming as loud as I could. How could she not rush to her screamingbloodymurder child? Oh that's right because I tended to scream like that every time I cried. But once I had the dress on right I was happy and excited the EXACT opposite of my dear sister Sara (if I had a scanner this would be the time I would post the picture for you all to see). Every other time after that when I had to get dressed up I hated it. I never liked what my mom picked out for me and what I had to wear. In fact I disliked my clothes so much that every time some random kind person gave me a penny [my dad usually gave me one but if he didn't I felt guilty asking for one]to throw in the fountain at the House of Worship, I would always wish for a new dress. This also upset me, because I felt that wishing for a dress was a big waste of a wish. So now that I have gotten way off subject...Louis G. Gregory [I'm at the Louis G.Greogory Institute by the way for those who don't know] was honored with the month of January [the best month] for the Bell South South Carolina African American Heritage Calendar. They gave his bio in front of the whole audience of one thousand and it was exciting to be there for it. Not to mention it was so late on our way back we stopped at IHOP were I got the banana nut pancakes without the nuts and they were mmm....mmm...DELICIOUS!

p.p. Suzanne and Husayn [and Amia] you guys can TiVo your lives any time during the three weeks I'm home. I'll take Amia any day, any time! Including midnight!

Sleep with all the lights on.
You're not so happy.
You're not secure.

Sleep with all the sheets off
Bearing your mattress
Bearing your soul.
And you're dying to look smooth with your tattoos
But you're searching just like everyone
Could be anyone.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Oh Happy Day!

i would first off like to say that i am in love...with every baha'i in orlando, flordia! you see they planned a winter gathering that mr. and mrs. collins (the administrators) really want to attend but they can't leave me here alone for a week. so because of all those wonderful baha'is in orlando at appoximately 2:29 14 december 2004 i will be seeing the chicago skyline and by 2:35 will be IN chicago for THREE weeks. not one, not two, but for THREE weeks. oh happy day. i think i might cry out of pure joy. exuse me.

know what else happened today? after it rained it cooled down instead of heating up. and oh my goodness it feels like fall! i even saw a tree with some red leaves. i'm going to go back to my trailer and listen to dashboard, put on a scarf, and enjoy a cup of chai. mmm...chai. chai makes my tastebuds happy and my heart smile. do you know what else makes my heart smile? THREE weeks! i'm so excited i could go pack right now. sorry about this overhappygushiness but you have no idea how much i miss being home. oh and i'm making a rule, while i'm home no one is aloud to leave the state. sorry that's just the way it is.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Thanks for stoppin' by, guys. Thanks for breakin' my cowlamp.

so you know how when you read that i did the jazz show for radio baha'i and you thought to yourself, "hmmm...i don't see anya having a radio personality." yeah, when you were thinking that you were right. what i'm saying is i'm not so good at the whole on-air radio stuff. when the mic goes on i get this pretend happy voice (that, by the way, is that most annoy voice in the world). i don't know what to do. i have no control over it. then i tried not to have that annoying "happy voice" and i sounded depressed. at first i was thinking maybe i'm not that bad and i'm just making it up in my head. but then the adminstators (mr. and mrs. collins) and i were sitting in the car waiting for something and they confirmed that i indeed "need to work on my vocals." it was funny because they were trying to be all gentle and i was thinking, "yeah i know. i have no radio personality. no hurt feelings, it's just the way it is." now i'm all, "dang it! why can't i have a radio personality?" but it's all good, because i have a plan. you see as of right now there are no open slots. soooo, when the new person comes i'll just kindly offer up my slot to him. see aren't i so nice to give up my air time so that someone else can have a go with it. but what to do until then...i have no idea. do you have ideas? (hint: this is where you leave funny comments of what i should say) i'm creative with markers, not my voice.

yesterday ernest (the person who runs the radio station) called to me from his office, "OHhhhh, anyaaa!! i have a little task for you! now, you have been in this room before..."

dang it i don't want to clean the bathrooms...not the urnial again. i hate cleaning that darn urnial. i hate urnials. (i mean i don't use them, but i just hate them okay.)

"wanna try to organize the tape and cd room?"

i was in that room last week screening music and ever since i was debating asking him if i could organize it. i never realized how much i like to organize, but oh boy i love it. i actually had to make myself walk away last night. and the only way i was able to make myself was by telling myself, "now anya if you don't stop now there won't be any more to do tommorrow."

okay i have had a blog for awhile now, but still i can't end them properly. how do you people do it so well? grrrrrr. (yes, i'm being immature (see karen i'm not growing up!) i'm growling at you)

bless you. dream of sheep.



Wednesday, October 06, 2004

thanks for breaking my cow lamp guys.

i have a headache and the cd i'm screening is not helping. this cd (that is on it's last song, Thank God!)is by William Gerald. William Gerald by the way likes to play a piano. a piano that looks like a baby grand. but, no, it is not a classical piano. it is electric. oh william gerald, please if you make any money off this cd please!, please buy a real piano. they just sounds so much better.

i think i have a new favorite show to watch. if you like buffy then chances are you will like this, because it has the same sort of format minus the super-human powers. it's called veronica mars. i saw the first two shows last night and i'm pretty sure i'm hooked.

today it feels like fall. do you know what happens during the fall here? the snakes start going into hibernation! that is, by far, the best thing i have heard all day.

Friday, October 01, 2004

E.T. go home!

after a month of hearing my own voice i figured out my weird way of talking. my tongue is lazy. it likes to play this game with me where it relaxes and refuses to make the proper movement to allow the right sound to come out. it's like my eyes see unfamiliar words and my tongue senses the slight hesitation and decides to give up, doing every thing in its power not to allow the right sound to come out. everything in its power, that is, by relaxing and pretending as though i'm not trying to talk. and, as i have found out, my tongue really, REALLY hates u's.

i blame the concussion.

i called home yesterday to get my grandma's phone number. daniel (my brother) picked up and said that neither mom or dad weren't home. "okay then can you do me a favor and look up grandma's number in the green phone book?" is what i ask. daniel then proceeded to spit out the number like it was his own. "how do you know that?!" i exclaim (see the exclamation mark). "anya, she has had the same number forever." then he went on to tell me all about homecoming week. homecoming week was the best four weeks in high school. and obviously if you didn't/don't go to batavia then you have no idea why...or do you?

i got direct t.v. yesterday and do you know what i watched? i, my friends and loved ones, watch the presidential debate. i don't know why, but i think i was thinking, "if i was voting this year who would i vote for?" oh, and do you know what other i watched out of the 120 (yes 120! channels i now have (does louis gregory take care of you or what?)? i watched the nine o'clock news on WGN. it was like i was right back in chicago. guess what else? if, while watching t.v., i have to really really go to the bathroom or someone calls i can pause the program. but no worries i'm not about to become a t.v. junkie, i'm already sick of watching television (not to mention i can tape programs too).

i need a haircut.

i need to go watch my, now daily, taped oprah. yes! i love oprah.

Monday, September 27, 2004

1936 St.

be happy.

-there is a new volunteer coming within the next two weeks
-we are only getting hit with five inches of rain and not a hurricane
-have yet to see any snakes (starting to think they are a myth)
-getting direct t.v. on thurs.
-my daddio is sending me some piano books to learn how to play piano
-get to go shopping for a birthday present for lucy
-found one of my absolute favorite cd's (the miseducation of lauryn hill) for ten bucks and bought it yesterday
-nexflix not only has movies movies but they also have all the alias seasons
-i am no longer in high school
-even though i can't hear amia's first laughs i can see her newest pictures

you see i am the queen when it come to suppressing my feelings. i can hold it all in for about a month or two before the emotions become too strong and i find myself in a tearful state. so you know when about a month ago i was all like, "uh-oh here comes the homesickness." yeah well i suppressed those feelings and now i'm starting to pay for it.

i had to make this list of things for myself because my dad made me home sick last night. first he was telling me how our house lay out is all different now and all those changes. then he went on to talk about how raizan isn't there anymore and told the story about her visiting. "she came right in and ate the apple pie and then went to work on the whipped cream." that's the dog i know. "yeah well she was all happy to see us and be home." that got me thinking...when i come home everything is going to be different and raizan won't be there to great me. my eyes teared up at that thought. then i told my dad how i was sad about that little difference, he said "oh don't worry we can arrange for raizan to be there when you come back. hey, you can even take her in all summer. you have visitation rights you know." haha THAT'S RIGHT I DO SARA!!! so that got me a little teary eyed but nothing was like when i asked about amia. dad was all, "oh yeah she's all laughing and pretty soon she'll be playing pick-a-boo." oh boy did i try to hold it in then but then i thought about what mom was saying, "she looks at you for a while now and if you start singing...oh she loves that." the tears started rollin'. i told my dad that i was now home sick because of all this. he told me to call suzanne and husayn to hear her laugh. being the dork that i am...i called suzanne and husayn. no one answered and i left the most pathetic voicemail the world has ever heard. note to self: never leave a voice mail while full on home sickness has hit. and it's not the big things like just thinking of people that get me tearin' it's those little things. like seeing someone with the same sandals suzanne has or someone saying the Blessed is the Spot prayer or watching alias without sara.

okay enough of this sad crap. there is an ice cream store down here that has all these unique and different flavors and you can add you own mix-ins. you create your own kind of ice cream. sound familiar? no it's not coldstone, it's marble slab. haha no joke. now i wonder who ripped off who?


torn and confused, wasted and used
reached the crossroad which path would i choose
stuck and frustrated, i waited debated
for something that just wasn't fated
thought i wanted was something i needed
when momma said no i just should have heeded
misled i bled till the poison was gone
and out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

Friday, September 24, 2004

are you suicidal?

only in the mornings.

get this, it is 9:55 a.m. and usually at this time i would be doing the fun stuff like uploading talk shows and such. (uploading is my favorite thing to do because then i can just sit back and read) but what i am doing is listening the parenting journal. todays parenting tip: tap your child's foot while singing them a lullaby. for the first time i am thankful that my parents listened to n.p.r. having to sit through those talk shows built up a tolerance over the years and now only having to screen thirty minute shows that resemble the shows on n.p.r. (minus the funny ones like car talk, people from minnesota have the best humor) has helped me out tons. thanks mom and dad. thanks for pretending that you are going to listen to my music and then --showing your power over me by not saying a word and-- pressing number 1 on the car radio and turning it to "90.15 National Public Radio"

thanks, the fifth.


Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have bought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead

Confusion that never stops
The closing walls and the ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop, that you now know
Singing come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease

Thursday, September 23, 2004

at last we meet for the first time for the last time

so you know how i have that thing where i can't bare to eat meat on the bone? well my friends, last night we had lamb chops. i'm not one to complain so i went placed one on my plate, took a deep breath, and started to cut it up. the problem was that it was so smoothered with this chunky gravy i couldn't see where the bone was. my first attempt to cut the lamb chop was right on the bone and made that sick bone to knife sound that makes me shudder. oh it gets worse. i went to take my first bite AND THERE WAS A BONE IN IT!!! i was so shocked by this that i checked my plate to make sure what i was eating was really a lamb chop and not some weird kind of meat they serve in the south that has bone in it that i wasn't aware existed. i think i would have cried if someone has pulled out some milk. but the worst thing of this all is that i can not get that feeling of that bone inside my mouth out of my mouth. eww. pa-tuu. (that's me spitting out the bone) pa-tuu. pa-tuu. pa-tuu.

it's like a nightmare that will not end.

a little bit of soul searching

"i've decided to do a year of service next year."

my mom: "oh really. why's that?"

"i don't know."

when i was eight i told myself that when i grew up i would be a christian. they had it easy. christians, as i saw it, had a simple religion. everyone knew their religion and they never had to go through that awkward silence that followed the question, "what? baha'i? what is that?" at least for me there was always an awkward silence, because i had no idea how to answer that question. i would finally say, "we believe in the unity of all religions and...peace." i guess since i didn't understand what i was saying no one else understood what i was saying. so by high school i would always respond, "we believe in all the prophets and then some."

how could someone who grew up a baha'i practically not know anything about it? i don't know, but it happened. or does is it "it happens"? am i the only one that struggles with growing up in a certain religion and then one day realizes i know nothing about this religion i say i believe in? no really, the only thing i knew and was sure of were the laws of the baha'i faith. other then that it was a big blur of stories and information. it was no big deal when i was little going to sunday school and not knowing anything, because i was still young and i would catch on eventually. then as middle school came i started to feel embarrassed that i didn't know the answers to the majority of the questions. sunday school to me (because i'm weird and not because that was how it really was) felt like a place i went not to be taught about the faith but a place where i was reminded about things i should already know. sort of like it was a pop quiz each time i went.

in high school i wanted to learn more. i wanted to know more about my own religion. i really wanted to go to youth retreats but the combinations of being too darn shy and being embarrassed that i didn't already know about the faith caused me not to go. if i wanted to know more why didn't i just pick up some books and do my own investigation? i don't know why i didn't do that. i tried but for whatever reason i just couldn't do it. i didn't know where to start. what book do i read first? and then not knowing where to start made me feel stupid and brought back my shame of not already knowing my own faith.

the frustration of not knowing as much as i would like about the baha'i faith became so great that taking a year off from school and doing a year of service seemed to be the best thing for me to do. so here i am. serving a cause i feel i know so little of while trying to learn all i can.


I'm sorry i didn't sound more excited on the phone
I'm sorry that after all these years
I've left you feeling unrequited and alone, brought you to tears
I guess i never loved you quite as well as the way you loved me
I guess i'll never really be able to tell you how sorry
I am

And i don't know what it is about you
I just know it's not what it was
I don't know why red fades before blue it just does
And i don't know what it is about me
That i just can't keep still
I keep thinking someday i will make this all up to you
And maybe someday i will

I guess i never loved you quite as well
As the way you loved me
I guess i'll never really be able to tell you how sorry
I am
Sorry i am
Sorry i am
Sorry i am

Saturday, September 18, 2004

and if so do you use them for good or awesome?

the sun is shining and the humidity is low. the day is good. and the question remains; what does this girl do all day besides write and read blogs? that i can answer. they assigned me to radio baha'i. there i load the daily programs, screen programs, screen music, clean, and host the 4 to 6 afternoon jazz and the 12 to 6 weekend jazz. the worst part of it all is cleaning the urinal. yuckiddy yuck. the sencond to worst thing is screen the parent's journal talk show. yawn. the best part is recording my hosting spot for the afternoon jazz. yay. and the rare delight is actually liking the music that i am screen (a rare delight that has only happened 3 1/2 out of the 20 cd's i have screened so far). woo-hoo.


1.) in the north there is no smoking in the majority of public places. this difference is very hard to adjust to. i offically declare that i hate cigaretts.

2.) in the south there are no trash cans outside of the grocery store. i never thought about it in the north, but there are public garbage cans everywhere. not so in hemingway.

3.) in the south people wave and smile to you while they are driving past you on the "highway" even though they don't know you AND even besides the fact that they just almost ran you over.

4.) and this i will never understand. in the south they still call people yankees. example, "every true yankee i know likes their grits with tons of sugar. hahahaha yankees." i would like to say (being a true "yankee" borning and raised in the chicago area) i like my grits with salt and butter thank you.

5.) in the south they put salt on their salad. i don't get it.

yesterday was the first day i started to feel more comfortable and not so shy. it's getting better. but i still can't believe that it is still september. i feel like it should be a week before thanksgiving. i miss my momma.

And it wouldn't stifle and wouldn't demean,
sweatpants and no makeup, unkempt or unclean,
you'd still be the most beautiful thing that my eyes ever see

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

gold star for me

for none of the following occuring...





or a explosion

...after doing my very first load of laundry (and secretly i loved it).

And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go
Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here

Monday, September 13, 2004


i feel a home sickness coming on. a couple of nights ago i woke up suddenly and in my drowsiness was comforted by the sight of the bed post.

the bed post had a fuzzy towel on it and i thought it was raizan.

during the end of last summer when my dad asked me, "where are you going to school? or are you going to do a year of service?" i replied, "i. am. not. doing. a. year. of. service." and here i am at louis gregory in south carolina. i guess the guilt of one time raising my had at a retreat when asked, "how many here are going to do a year of service?" caught up with me. i remember hesitating then, too.

it's weird. before this year i really had no longing to learn about my religion. i stopped going to baha'i school during high school due to fact no other youth in the area went. i didn't like going to sunday school and having to sit in with the adults because i was embarrassed by how little i knew and by all the questions i had. i would get lost in their discussions and found it hard to keep trying to follow/understand what they were talking about. then this year i started getting tired of not knowing how to respond to, "baha'i? oh, what's that?" so i decided to go to sunday school with sara who went to the western suburbs school. for the first time i experienced the "new kid" feeling. so having dr. jay lead the youth classes was a blessing. he acted like he already knew me and his talks were great because he would always tie in real life stories/examples. plus he would always encourage questions and would clarify exactly what he meant. it was after his classes that i knew that i really did want to learn more about the faith. i wonder why it took me such a long time to want to really learn more?

my dream last night was all fast passed and everything was going along like a normal not making any sense dream. then at the very end it all slowed down and i turned around (in slow-mo) to realize i was on prairie street and i knew where i was. i saw the corner of church street and prairie st. and was taken aback that i was close to home. i felt like i had been gone on a long journey and hadn't been home in forever. as it was all sinking in that i was so close i felt some person pull on my arm and say, "come on let's go!" i thought about the party and all the new people i was going to meet. but i wasn't as excited anymore. i just wanted to go home. when i was waking up i thought i was in my room at home and was disappointed when i reminded myself i wasn't.

Got a garden of songs where i grow all my thoughts
Wish i could harvest one or two for some small talk
I'm always starving for words when you're around
Nothing on my tongue so much in my ground

Half the time i got my gaze trained on your motel door
Fourth door from the end
Rest of the time my gaze lays like a stain on the carpeted floor
If it weren't for my brain i'd go over and make friends
Too bad about my brain 'cause i'd like to make friends.

See the little song bird unable to make a sound
Even though she follows her words from town to town
We both have gardens of songs and maybe its okay
That i am speechless because i picked you this bouquet.

Friday, September 10, 2004

That was Bing & The Andrew Sisters Crosby's Is You Is or Is You Ain't. I'm your host Anya Mitchell and this is T-Jazz Saturday.

almost a week here and i have comfortably adjusted. or that is i have become content with my schedule. weird. i was told i easily adjust. i didn't realize how true that was until now. lesson one learned at LGI: some people know me better than i know myself. example my parents. it's okay you can laugh at my past beliefs of "my parents don't know me ." such a typical teenage thought i am embarrassed. so laugh, because i do. so my parents were right louhelen would have been the best place for me to go for my year of service. it's not too far from home, if there weren't any other volunteers there would at least be tons of people coming and going during the weekends, and there is organized structure there where a "little knowledge about the faith even though growing up in the faith" baha'i like me could learn a lot (a lot; not alot. dr. lebin taught me that one...i guess i did learn something in that class that i actually remembered. gasp. shocking.) from. and i'm not going to lie, once realizing this the anxiety of "oh no no no. i should have listened to my parents. i should be at louhelen" and "liza was right. i should have gone to green acre or at least applied" set in.

but as those thoughts flooded my mind the administrator said, "it is a true blessing that you are here. and for a year too! bless you." anxiety started to leave me. the other administrator went on to say, "there is a real competition between schools for volunteers. you know i went to green acre last year and they had 24 volunteers. i mean yeah i know they need more then us, but can't they send some down our way. we are lucky if we get any volunteers for long term. and when we do it's only one at a time and we feel bad for them because it gets so lonely here. we only need about four, you know two guys and two girls. there is so much to do here." anxiety was gone. yes it's true it might have been better for me to go to louhelen but they really need people here. besides doing my own investigation for a bit is what i think i really need.

i ran into my first snake skin here yesterday while running. it scared me greatly and now while walking through the lawn to my very own trailer (with three bedrooms, two baths, a kitchen, and living room all to's actually really scary and lonely) i know that the snakes are not a myth but they really are the ones making those hissing sounds i hear. i no longer take my time crossing the lawn but walk really really fast. (why not run you ask? run!!?!! i do not run for i risk trippage!! hellooo!) i'm getting rain boots so that i can cross the lawn in more ease like my first days here. (so naive was i back then) oh my goodness just thinking about rain boots makes me feel safe. i. am. getting. rain. boots. as. soon. as. i. can.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

an onion forever and always

i have come to realize that ashville, north carolina is the coolest city ever. i have fallen in love with north carolina. that state is officially on my "state where i would live" list.

in this very rural town of hemingway, south carolina i kinda feel like i'm a city girl all out of place. i don't know what is the proper way to do things. can i laugh at things that seem weird to me but are normal for everyone else or would that be considered rude here? i'm worried laughing might get me in trouble. like eating a salad for example. at lunch the other day the kid next to me (i haven't learned his name yet but he really made me laugh all afternoon) first put salt and then pepper in his salad. i was about to start laughing but then i noticed that no one else found it unusal. is it normal to put salt and pepper on your salad? is this a common behavoir that other people do and i just have not realized it? i wonder.

oh another weird thing happened. when i was introduced to the kids on sunday at devotionals the littlest one got a shocked expression on his face and said, "anya!" and then tried to hold in his laughter. later the kid who's name i have not yet learned but makes me laugh told me that he was laughing because there was a dog that just got run over named anya. then he and his cousins were all like, "yeah at first we couldn't say the dogs name so we just called it onion." i could not believe it. i did not tell them that was my nick name because i knew that was what they would call me the rest of the year. onion will never escape me.

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

Friday, August 27, 2004

my stomach is about to rumble and my face is white

one week and i'll be on my way to L.G. in the S.C. and one week ago mi familia threw me a party. husayn put it together so it was delicious. i'm talking full on pinata in the backyard, raining candy from the sky, home made brownies, cake batter ice cream from coldstone, a three round game of may i (after i got everyone to play i quit), and a game of settlers...which took liza all night to get me to play. i must say for me it was one of the most enjoyable games of settlers of katan i have ever played. let me paint you a picture of the game...i was the third person to place the absolute worse position because you are left with the crappy spots and get cut off everywhere you try to go...or so in my case. i wasn't really in the mood to play so i didn't care much about my placement and heavily invested in the number 4 on wheat (which is NEVER rolled). well in this game four got rolled about every other turn. i was in settlers heaven. and it was marelous. but as you all know when you are in settlers heaven all trading with you stops. most people don't mind this but for me the whole trading part in settlers is what gets me to play the game. in the end i managed to win. yay for going away parties!

this week while sitting alone at home with no car i have managed to take many bike rides, watch a lot of olympics, and realized that i can try and try and try but i will never be able to sections to my sidebar. but i have a feeling that after a few months at louis gregory i'll be able to figure it all out. what if there is no one else there but me? that would kinda stink. let's not think about that. let's think about the beeping oven and tyson's chicken tenders. which by the way are a far cry from costco's dinosaur chicken.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

good-bye anya! Posted by Hello

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Right Round baby Right Round

Circles are ugly when you realize when you end you are right back where you started.

Circles are beutiful when you realize how far you have come and what you have achieved when you get back to where you had first started.

but what about ten circles?

ten circles are... or more like becomes a rollercoaster of emotions while listening to dashboard twice.

ten circles and you can share your tears and frustrations with a complete stranger with one look of hope made ten times ten feet away on an average of every four minutes. to make a long story short; when the sign going into o'hare says "PARKING KEEP LEFT" and "ARRIVALS KEEP RIGHT" keep left and never look back. don't be a fool. go inside to meet your arrival at the gate or at least the luggage claim and who knows? you might even get a hug. just think twice before you circle and remember... YOU CIRCLE. YOU DRIVE. YOU LOSE.

that was lame, but there is no one to tell me that so it stays. am i making sence? of course not. i am on a no sence rampage in hopes i'll fall asleep from rereading what i just wrote. but, oh no, that is not going to work.

amia is back in town. and i must say she is the most beautiful baby. she was sleeping on my shoulder this afternoon and, well, i am no good with words, no good with stories, and no good with sleeping, but.....

amia+sleeping+my shoulder= me the happiest content most heart melted aunt there EVER was. yeah, that's right EVER. now do you understand how i felt? really i should talk like that when trying to you know..."talk". anya+bored+latenight=stupid post. anya+nex tyear=excitedly scared. circles+constant motion=drive away with person halfway in car.

you spin me.

right round.


right round.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Stanley's come and go, but Kenny is here to stay*

my poor dog. it is only raining, not even thundering, and she is hiding in the corner of the room. with her tail in between her legs, her ears flattened to her pea head, and her back hunched over. yup she will for sure be sleeping with me tonight. that scared cat. "hello my name is raizan. i am not a bat. i am not a moose and i am not a cat." my dog has identity problems. lucy tells me it's because i don't sing to her enough. well lucy the last time i sang to her it only resulted the waking of sara....a possible scary situation let me tell you. "i love you raizan. and if it's quite all right i need you raizan to warm the lonely nights...." is what i was silently singing to her when i heard sara get up and walk out her room. i froze (from fear) and pretended to be sleeping. "what was that noise?" okay, okay! so i don't have the most "beautiful" voice in the world, but i most definitely do not sound like a dying bird, SARA. it's just that when i was little i yelled a little and i think that might have damaged my vocal cords a bit. ahhm.

so sad. today was r.a.k.'s last get together before karen went off to western. it was sad. well actually it was a lot of fun. we attempted to go to lunch at all our favorite places (one of riane's greatest ideas). planning to first get a taco from taco bell, then head towards jimmy johns for a split sandwich, and then to portillos for fries (and maybe a shake...mmm) but alas this time riane and i had a ride and our stomachs and wallets did not make the trip to portillos. then we, naturally, went back to karens to see how kelly has changed, for the better, to the true greg that he is. man the naval academy is crazy. they wake up at 5:30 each morning and run while they stretch for their five mile run. that makes you lose weight in the face. ohhh...i just realized that by watching that we had actually watched a movie our last time together. that's special. then we made status: converted and cup cakes. and even took naps in-between.

on my way home i noticed that the gas tank was empty. i was thinking about driving it home and filling it up later. but then the memories of lucy freaking out and almost throwing up every time her gas gage read "E" i found myself heading towards the closest gas station. when i went to open the gas tank i couldn't get it open. after five minutes of trying to pry it open i was debating weather or not i should just leave. i was too embarrassed to pull in and then minutes later pull back out without getting gas. so i kept trying to pry it open praying someone i knew would pull in and help me. could you imagine? anyways i don't know how but i was able to open it. liza you should have warned me.

the olympics where amazing today. how the womens freestyle relay completely shattered the world record and not to mention paul hamm! oh my goodness. my sister told me before it aired that he won gold, but as i watched it i was convinced that she had read wrong and he was headlined for a bronze win after being in 12th after the fourth round. even though i knew the outcome i could not believe it while i was watching. good thing sara told me before though, i cannot take all the suspense while i watch close events when i have favorites. it is just too much. like watching michelle kwan compete. too much.

i kiss the sun....smoooch! and i kiss the moon....smmoooch!

how does that go again?

*name the show that this comes from and you win the ultimate meal of jimmy john's and jamba.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

21 grams

every monday this summer i have been going to ruhi book one classes (a study circle thingy). each time i leave feeling relaxed and calm and my head is clear as my thoughts wheel through all the different points brought up. last night we started the section on Life and Death. and the purpose of this section? " To understand that life is not the changes and chances of this world, and its true significance is found in the development of the soul. True life, the life of the soul, occurs in this world for a brief time and continues eternally in other worlds of God."
with that purpose i knew that this section was going to be my favorite thus far. i usually am pretty quite during ruhi circles because i feel that i know so little. i stay silent and take in what everyone else brings to the discussion. but last night i felt comfortable to bring up my questions and thoughts. i guess i never thought about the details of the body and soul and how they come together to work together for the span of mortal life. i never really feared death, because when my grandma died when i was five i told my mom that i never want her or dad to die. she told me not to fear death because when we die we go to Abha Kingdom (heaven..for those non-bahias who are reading) where we will be closer to God and where grandma will be. from then on i never feared death; i only feared how i died. but then after last night while discussing life after death the progression of our eternal souls my fear of how i "go out" became smaller. how i die and the pain i may feel will only be for that moment and look where i'll go after the pain ceases.

uhh... i think that this blog is going to be a lot about me finding me and a way to document my spiritual growth. which is kinda appropriate for the up coming year, don't you think? errr... so sorry about being self-centered with this blog and writing much about myself. each entry (hehe at first i put entree hehehe i giggle at myself) won't be like that, i'll be sure to random it up.... you know that is my style. like, now, i really am 1/20th brazilian!

so as have late i have become/becoming a little obsessed with dashboard. i heard them first from launchradio from yahoo. and slowly my obsession has grown. i brought their newest cd yesterday and i think i'm going to buy one of their older ones if i ever get paid for my cold. that is if coldstone ever gives me my check for the one week of work. i'm too timid to call. i mean what do i say, "hi this is anya. you told me i would work with you for a month and you used me for my infamous labeling skills and then dumped me. so are you going to pay me for that one amazing week or what? oh and do you think you could keep a spot open for me next summer?" so if you ever go to the st. charles coldstone and are buying a cake and notice that all the fives are WASN'T ME! okay it was. but you have to understand the fives were soooo hard to get straight.

man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
but lord it takes a lonely one to wish she had never dreamt at all

after you die you they say you lose 21 grams.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Think About the Love Inside the Strength of Heart

so many pop-ups; so many tears. connected to the internet and there were right away 12 waiting for me. twelve stubborn pop-ups that when you go to close them they "donngg" at you and don't close. oiy. so this morning i was determined to test my patients. i listened to a little bit of maroon5, damien rice, sugarcult, and dashboard while i logged on and waited for the pop-ups to come. and holy bible! they did. i at first gave them time to load and then went away to trying to close them. once i got one closed another one would open. but now, at last!, i was able to close them all and they have yet to returned. today is a good day to blog, me having patients.

people say it takes strength to speak up. but i think it takes as much strength to hold it all in. of my family of seven i was the extreme shy kid. every picture taken whenever we went to the House of Worship i was pouting. (oh no the pop-ups are back--full force)i guess my pouting was because of many reasons. i mean i didn't like dressing up and i absolutely hated sitting in the way back of the pickle (our old green station wagon) where it got all stuffy and i would get sick from riding backwards. one of the reasons was most definitely not because of the location. i loved the street before the House of Worship because it was stone and made the car bounce and then seeing the it as we approach was always once of my favorite parts or the car ride. plus i liked all the houses in the area. i also loved going inside downstairs where all the big pictures of the culturally diverse people were. oh and of course i loved going to the book store. but there was a downside of going to the House of Worship for me and that was the high risk of running into people that my parents knew. they would always try to talk to me and then when i would hide in my moms shoulders they would come around and put their faces right up to mine. that's when i would cry so that my mom would hold me tighter and stroke my hair and hopefully walk away from the person that was scaring me at the moment.

back to doing nothing. and feeling used. waiting all summer to start work and they only use me for a week to use my mad organizing skills to set up their back room and freezer. oh that freezer. two days straight in that 34 degrees (on a good day) freezer with all the ice cream. none of which i got for free, is it just me or is that unfair? well much to my delight amia carmen came up for her one month birthday!! but much to my dismay i cannot hold her for those two days of freezer labeling gave me a cold. curse this stupid freezer cold.

katie: "hi anya. umm...have you ever sprained something?"
anya: "you mean recently or in my lifetime?"
katie: " in your lifetime."

the pop-ups got so crazy that i am now on the ibook. between the switch of bad computer to good computer i watched 13 going on 30 (one off my list), found my favorite jacket ever, and now am going to watch the olympics. yeah! olympics.

but you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away from you again
while you're chasin' ghosts

just bend the pieces til they fit
like they were made for it
but they weren't meant for this
no they weren't meant for this

Sunday, August 08, 2004

I'll knaw your face off.

my parents snuck out of the house saying, "bye anya! i hope your chest that feels like something under your breast bone shattered and feel like those piece of what shattered are cutting up the lining under your breast bone gets better soon. we are taking your phone and the green phone book so if you there is an emergency you won't be able to call anyone. bye, have a good week working 10 to 8!!!" i was able to squeeze in there a, "wait, where are you guys going?" their responce? "oh you know minnesota, your favorite vacation spot. but you can't come because you start at your new job that you are only going to have for three weeks. bye! have fun!"

depression was close to setting in.

now i wonder can limes give you heart burn for three days? i don't know what is going on with my chest, but deep breathes are somewhat painful. maybe it's from being a little scared about how i'm getting down to south carolina. just two days ago my dad thought up this brilliant plan..."hey anya, what do you think about leaving on the 28th. Jamie and his girlfriend are driving out there." at first i told him whatever, knowing full well or at least praying that my mom would step in saying NONOnonononono. thankfully she did. whew. maybe my chest exploded when he mentioned that idea.

or maybe my chest felt shattered because i had not seen my children for two long weeks. if that is the case i have no worries about that happening next year when we are so far apart because when i showed vahid where i would be next year and where he would be he said, "oh don't worry anya. all we have to do is driving through here..." and he went on to show me how his family would drive to see me. then said, "and you can do the same. we will just go back and forth. it's so easy." after vahid convienced me that we will still see each other next year i was in such a happy mood that i started chasing him around the house. he took my hand and said--- oh wait no...scolded, "anya. no more being crazy." that kid had me laughing through out the night.

all i have to say is that i for one am jealous of all who got to go to minnesota this summer.


It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
Humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
Please, please, please forgive me

Yes! Yes! Yes! You! You! You! Your one in a ZILLION!! Posted by Hello

Friday, August 06, 2004

Par Avion

endless lime from jamba juice is mmm.mmm...good.

movies to see before i take flight:

1.) princess bride
2.) my best friends wedding
3.) a walk to remember
4.) what about bob
5.) bourne identity
6.) bourne supremacy
7.) kill bill volume one
8.) kill bill volume two
9.) manchurian candidate
10.) little black book
11.) 13 going on 30
12.) bridget jone's diary
13.) the village
14.) napoleon dynamite (...again)
15.) ocean's 11 (what is an onionlee movie list without it)

you see when it first hits your tounge you get the first impression that it is too intesnsely lime. but then as soon as that thought enters your mind the sherbert takes over and your tounge no longer feels overwhelmed by the intense yet yummy taste of lime.

songs and cd's i need to get/find:

1.) miseducation of lauryn hill
2.) and ani mix filled with her oldies
3.) not a pretty girl
4.) spiderman 2 soundtrack (with vindicated)
5.) dashboard confessionals cd
6.) sugarcult cd
7.) "she will be loved"
8.) "wrong way"
9.) "maps"
10.) "our love is like water"
11.) "lightening crashes"
12.) "leaving on a jet plane" by chantal krevizuk
13.) "cannonball" by damien rice

"it's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball"

haha the reminds me of russel..."The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't" too true russel, too true.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

As you wish

yeah i know those aren't my sisters. they are my friends that look like sisters. they are actually riane and karen. and i don't know why the picture showed up tiny. but it did and i'm not one to figure things out if i don't feel passionate enough about it. so the picture is tiny and it will stay tiny and my template is simple and it will stay simple until some time this year i gain the courage to change it. it just takes some time for me to build up some courage.

did you see the entertainment weekly's top ten movie lines? the very first three were from princess bride!! i was like "yup that's the way it should be." i grew up watching that movie. each time our cousins got together we would watch it over and over again. then when i tried to get one of my friends to watch it at their house, they were like "hell no, i can't stand that movie!" and gave it to me. i was so happy.


Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current

So let me slip away

Wednesday, July 28, 2004 sisters. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

wave o' babies

what a bad day.

1.) University of Illinois at Chicago doesn't give deferments. in case i completely spelled that wrong....i have to re-appy to U. I. C. oh joy i can't wait!

2.) coldstone, again for the third time, pushed back their training days. what other date did they pick? none other then july 31st. the day of my cousins wedding. just perfect. i had to write my boss remind her of my "vacation" and then remind her that i can only work for a month again for like the fourth time.

3.) i just want to paint. but that cost....more money then i have...which is nothing. i mean to say i have no money. because the job i managed to get this summer is not opening. making it hard to work and make money. i. hate. inflation. (hahah right matt? inflation sucks. hahahaha)

4.) i woke up and realized i forgot to take off my make-up last night. that is just annoying. (what makes it worse is that it was from a party i didn't even want to be at)

5.) i spent two hours downloading music. i only wanted to download the exact number of songs to make one cd. i managed to get a near perfect list of my favorite songs. when i get all done is when i realize. our. computer. does. not. have. a. burner. i don't want to talk about it.

but there has to be at least something good about today?

oh and there is. today is july 20th, 2005.  the day of failure. well okay that's not true because...guess what? i half way finished Thoughts Made Quotes By Karen  featuring Riane and Anya. so really today can't be that bad of a day now can it? happy july 20th!!

"as for now i'm going to sit around and wonder"

Thursday, July 15, 2004

!ahora, yo es una tia!

i was waiting for liza outside in the car while she went into her house to get something. this was when i saw a guy on his bike in the middle of the street. as i watched him coming in the side-view mirror i was tempted to swing open my door just as he passed so i could see him fly through the air. this urge (not to herbal) became stronger with each inch that he got closer.  what is that about? 
while shopping at the new over crowded outlet mall i saw a girl who had just come from soccer practice. i miss playing soccer. seeing her that moment for whatever reason put me in a mood, a bad mood.  what is that about?
 i stopped bitting my nails after i was promised that if my friend ellie and i did then her mom would take us to our third grade teachers wedding (this was in third grade). i stopped my habit but i didn't get to go to her wedding. since last week my nasty habit of bitting my nails returned from its ten year retirement. what is that about?
want to stay for dinner?
wanna stay forever?!

Saturday, July 10, 2004


Margaret Giles called this morning. she was my wake up call. we talked about how bored we were waiting for amia, because we had it all set in our heads that she would be born by now. i. am. so. bored.

(and therefore this entry will be boring because i. am. so. bored.)

things i have to look forward to:

2.) starting work last!
3.) going to michigan for clairbear's wedding (staying at Aunt Susan's cabin)
4.) playing dodge ball kayake
5.) packing to leave for south carolina
6.) leaving for south carolina
7.) being in south carolina (PUT YOUR HANDS UP!)
8.) going to uic next year...ahh maybe if they take me back

questions i may never know the answers to:

1.) what is in pink lemonade?
2.) comfortable equals you have loose morals?
3.) will i be an architech?
4.) will i do what i really want to do and become and interior designer?
5.) will i have jimmy johns for lunch?
6.) will i really go to uic?
7.) will amia start coming today?
8.) will i take a shower today?
9.) am i really entertaining myself by writing in this blog?*
10.) how real are dreams?

second helpings is a good book. i don't care what others say i like it so there. it would be my guilty pleasure except for the fact that i enjoyed it way to much to feel guilty about it.

*yes, yes i am.

Friday, July 09, 2004

i wish i were in Finland

bloody hell. Finland would be nice. Finland where no poetry was aloud. time to face the truth, i'm not going there.

see i miss jack. jack and i had a connection which no one could mess up. well, okay, the grass would occasionaly cause a little fight to break out between us. but those little angry fueds never broke our system completely down, just stalled us for awhile. jack with someone else would take his dear old time. but jack with the dear onionlee would attempt to try. yes he attempted to try! can you believe it. like the cowboy told me i should i feel special that jack was attempting to try and oh boy did i ever. he didn't even stop whenever he wanted. all right he did it once, but that was at the very very end and he was tired of my fat lard on his backside. who could blame him really? hahaha that reminds me of the time a freshman had to give me a piggyback ride for training. she was like 95 ibs and i weight and the whole time i cheered her on with encouraging words like, "I SWEAR I'M GOING ON A DIET SO THIS NEVER NEVER!! HAPPENS AGAIN" it worked too she made it. way to liveSTRONG freshman, way to be.

Thursday, July 08, 2004


welcome to my secret blog. okay, hi riane. only you know about it but i decided to write here anyways. why? i'll tell you why i spent the last three hours trying to figure out a way to post pictures on my xangaaaaaaaa cite. so i created this one in hopes that i could just take the pictures that i post on onionlee and transfer them to theonion. it teased me. at first the picture showed up. then i closed the window and returned to make sure the image was still there wasn't. so as of right now i'm too pissed at my xanga cite to write in it. so there xanga i'm writing in my NEW blog that allows me to POST pictures!!!

hmm... Posted by Hello
OH BOY! (if you are about randomness)

i have a dream

i have a dream to post pictures on my xanga blog...shhh.