Sunday, June 26, 2005

the nerve.

why is it that it only takes a few words to completely make someone’s "all right" day into on terrible day? why do people tend to make the worse assumptions about other people? today was one crazy day at p*nea, because of the closed streets in downtown evanston for the art festival (and to top it all off it was hot). so there i was asking the customer if they wanted whipped cream on their ic mocha, only to find out 30 seconds later that we not only did not have any whipped cream made the whipped cream containers weren't even washed. i told her the situation and she said she'd wait it out. so i went running to the back to find the dirty containers to make sure they were being washed. i finally found one and gave it the dishwasher. when i went out to explain to the lady that the containers were now just being put into the wash and that it would take a while longer she got all nasty and said, "you know what, that's okay. i know what's going on here, you just don't want to make any." "miss," i protested after what she was accusing me of sunk in, "i don't lie. we don't have any clean ones. it's in the dishwasher right now." she replied with one hell of a sarcastic, "yeah, okay." i wanted to cry (yes, pathetic i know). it was an already stressful, no fun day (working in the bakery, with crazy-stressed head manager, and during the lunch rush) and after the lady accused me of lying and being lazy (which was totally ridiculous, because hello! i would have to make the whipped cream anyway even if she hadn't brought her drink) my patience for people was gone. i couldn't take any more indecisive people, who had no idea what they wanted and no idea what was on the menu and while they took their time to figure out what we had to offer the line grew out the door. at one point i just started wishing people would to go get their bagels from einstein down the street and their drinks from starbucks half a block away. i fell into a non-reversible crabby mood (trying hard to smile, but it was practically impossible to make them real). argh! and it still makes me mad and upset and hurt that that lady thought i didn't want to give her what she wanted because it meant (or so she thought...which just proves she didn't think because it was a task i would have had done anyways!) that i would have had to do more work than her pleasure was worth. deep breath people! and an outraged face with hand half way up in the "why?!?" position

well, at least i have hitchhiker’s to come home to.

(god, i love that book.)


I will lean into you
and you can be the wind
I will open up my mouth
and you can come rushing in
you can rush in so hard
and make it so I can't breathe
I breathe too much anyway
I can do that anyday
I just wish I knew who you were
I wish you'd make yourself known
probably you don't know I'm her
the woman you want to call home
I'll keep my ear to the wall
I'll keep my eye on the door
'cause I've heard all my own jokes
and they're just not funny anymore
I laugh too much anyway
I can do that anyday
have you ever been bent or pulled
have you ever been played like strings
if I could see you I could strum you
I could break you
make you sing
but I guess you can't really see the wind
it just comes in and fills the space
and everytime something moves
you think that you have seen its face
and I've always got my guitar to play
but I can do that anyday

oh, oh, oh! and before i forget...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FATFACE! i hope no one accused you of being lazy and lying and made you feel like shit today, because come on TODAY is YOUR birthday! happy, happy!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Two Words

Batman. Begins.

that's right. saw it last night and i loved it. and to think i didn't even want to go see it.

Friday, June 17, 2005

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

why? why?! why, hasn't anyone sat me down and forced me to read this book. never have i laughed out loud so many times while reading a book (and thus far i have only read two chapters). i mean i never (said slow and cautiously) laugh out loud while reading. if something funny happens i may smile, sure, but laugh out! loud? never.

are you sitting down while reading this? well, good. because this is me sitting you down and forcing you to read this book. go (now*) to your library, borders, barnes and noble, books-a-million, or your own personal library. while at any (or all) of these locations you best find yourself the science fiction section. once you found that look under the "A's" for Adams. When you locate Adams find Adams, Douglas. Then when your pearly eyes (wide with excitement knowing you will soon have your hands on a hi.lar.i.ous, great summer read) fall upon "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" you may smile (satisfied that your library, borders, barnes and noble, book-a-million, or you yourself has it and you, yourself, found it), grab the book, proceed to check it out/buy/take it to you couch and enjoy (the only way you can with this book). and once you have finished reading this genius of a book and feel indebted to me, feel free to call and leave messages of lines from the book on my voicemail (because you know that would oh, so make my day and who doesn't want their day to be oh, so made?).

now, consider yourself forced.

How to Leave the Planet

1.) Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.

2.) If they do no cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House--(202) 456-1414--to have a word on your behalf with the guys as NASA.

3.)If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (and the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don't have any friends their either (at least, non to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.

4) If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.

5.) If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.


*and not now as in now, now. but as in now: the next thing you do after reading this entry (as in now, now).

Thursday, June 16, 2005

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call up the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say

"That's dynamite, baby."

is anyone else as disappointed as i am when they get up at nine to watch oprah and it's a re-run, AGAIN!

man, talk about a bad start to ones day.

(and if i had the guts i would have added, "gosh! tape some new shows, woman!" but i so don't have those kinds of guts.)

Monday, June 13, 2005

the question to your answer is, yes.

argh. how does it all work out? how much am i going to be short for school after working and saving up this summer? where am i going to get the money i'm short? who do i go to at uic to say, "hey, well you know how you accepted me into your architecture program two years in a row. yeah, well i know that i haven't taken any classes in it yet, but ummm... can i get out the program and switch to design-- i'm not sure what exactly in design, but i know that's the direction i want to go towards." how am i going to take the el to and from uic without throwing up? will i be able to maintain a job with decent hours and passing grades? will my trasition from high school learning/class set up to college courses be smooth or rough? will money be so tight that i will never have the pleasure of enjoying my slim jim #4 with cheese (tell me no, please tell me no)? why do i feel so unprepared for this? is this one of those things that i freak out about, but really there is no reason to freak? or has the wolf really come this time (well, that joke was pa.the.tic. so much so i'm leaving it)? how will it all work out?

and dang it! when will the good blogging happen. it's been so long. i feel so..not good. bah!

i have a voice of an angel

the funniest part of this is that i sang and made it.

ha. me singing.

ha. ha. ha.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

since no one else in my family is posting...

today, i feel i started to master the l. you know, making it work for me. i left my apartment at 5:34 p.m. needing to reach the metra train station no later than 6:40 p.m. i got onto the purple line (5:40 p.m.), but since it is a weekend the purple line only goes to howard. so at howard i transfered to the red line, planning to get off at monroe and state. but then! i looked at the l map decorated above the door and noticed that if i transfered to the brown line the stop after wrigley i could save myself some city blocks and some time. so i got off the red line and waited to transfer to the brown line (6:11 p.m.) the brown line took me right into the loop and at washington and wells i got off (6:26 p.m.). i hurried down the stairs and crossed the street. realizing i was going the wrong way i then turned around. i started to panic, thinking i wasn't going to make it (or worse wasn't going to find the train station) so, naturally, i started running. here is where the funny picture comes in. picture me, in my soccer shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops, hat hair thrown up in a pony-tail, bookbag, mini-pink purse, and a big p*nea bag full of bagels running (but not being able to run wearing flip-flops) through chicago dashing around not exactly sure where i'm going. i found the train station at 6:34 p.m. i ran up the steps (because, what if my clock is slow!!!!), ran toward the wrong train, turned around, boarded the right train with three minutes to spare, and tried to catch my breath and cool down. today was an adventure.

home, again?

why, yess. sara may not have an active blog, but she does have a birthday tomorrow. hAPpy BirTHdaY, SArA!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

grumble...grum--i will be a happy and joyful being.

instead of thinking about how i woke up at six thirty to get on a train that i missed because the genius' of batavia shut down the whole bridge (as in BOTH sides!) making the ten minutes to get to the train station instead of five or how i walked around downtown chicago pretending i knew where i was going when i didn't, or how the purple express train conductor must have been new because of all the jerked stops made caused me to become sick and thanking the Lord that i don't have to take the l to school next year, or how i had to stay after an hour at work, or how i have to get up at 6:30 for work tomorrow, or how the allmarts just left for b*town (taking amia with them) i WILL not think/talk about those things.

i will talk about how when the merkels came for a surprise short visit yesterday, i found out that they missed me as much as i missed them. the love goes both way, people. both. ways. vahid right away screamed, "anya! can you babysit?!" and jumped out of his seat, katana pleaded to get out of hers, and xcyden, xcyden made the "i want" motion and grunt in my direction and when i went to close the door to their van she started to cry. we are talking about xcyden here, xcyden cried for me. (psst...heather believe when i say i'm not trying to rub this in your face, someday i hope you will experence the feeling of your heart strings pulling from the fact that xcyden merkel was just crying for you. someday, heather. someday.)

i will talk about how, after forever (five months or some crazy deranged long time like that), i got to see karen and riane at the same time. naturally, there was the traditional track talk (seriously, i consider myself as much of a track player as i am brazilian...i am 1/20th brazilian. i mean is that not fair to say?) and a movie.

i will talk about how when i finally went up the stairs to one of the loop stops i passed while pretending i knew where i was going/doing the rare purple line express line pulled up right in front of me, right as i was walking through the gate the train stopped and it's doors did magically open as though they were only pulling up for me (and giving me no time to worry myself into thinking, "what if the purple line has already stopped running through the loop for the day?" i was able to just walk right onto it and relax (before i started feeling sick from the jerky trip, BUT i'm NOT thinking/talking about that, thank you.)

i will talk about how amia right away reached (from her mothers arms) for me when i got home today (after not seeing her for a week). then she cried for me when i had to leave for work. my plan was to leave early and make a stop in at the bank, but amia reached and whimpered for me and i quickly ditched the bank for amia (like i had a choice).

i will talk about how when i came home from work amia was still awake (a rare happening as of late) and when she saw me clapped and clapped, took hold of my face, and put her forehead on my forehead. my. heart. melted.

what was i saying at the beginning of this post? i can't remember.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

maybe this is why on my ugly days i feel so...ugly.

i look at my relationship with my brother and i just cry. how did it get this way? has it always been this way? i remember being as unhappy as he was back in third grade through fifth grade. it was a phase for me a phase i scared myself out of. but during that time i took it out on my closest siblings katie and daniel. i looked up to katie so we grew out of fighting. but with daniel our relationship stayed the same. i couldn't stand people who i knew looked up to me and tried to be like me. "be your own self!" i would scream at him, "stop copying me!" i was suppose to walk him home from school in fourth and fifth grade. everyday would be the same. i would wait until i saw him come out of the doors and then walk ahead of him enough so that he could see me and know where to go, but never would actually walk with him. one day his anger had build up so much that he chases me home and met me at the door and just started punching me. after that happened we would race each other home. if i made it home first i would lock myself in the bathroom and wait until my mom came home. if he made it home first, he would lock all the doors locking me out of the house. why was i so mean, because i was trying to work out my own mess from a "mean girls" situation. i was depressed and didn't want to be around anyone, especially my "still walking funny on his tippy-toes brother" as my friend in fifth grade put it. once i pulled my self out of my depression i stopped talking to that friend, who's whole family made fun of him. i remember thinking, "hey, he is my brother. i'm the only one that can make fun of him, because deep down i really love him!" i may never showed him any love, but that didn't mean i didn't love him. i look at all the tests of middle school and the tests he is still going through still in high school and all i can do is blame myself. i was as hard on him as i wanted to be on myself. i took everything negative in my life out on him. he didn't do anything, but just look up to me. why couldn't i just let him look up to me? why couldn't i just be nice?! he is so unhappy right now. school just sends him messages that he's dumb and won't achieve anything. when really it's the school that doesn't offer him enough of the type of classes that actually focus on his talents. the pain and anger of dealing with failure and disappointment over and over again, of course he is unhappy. i just need to know that he will be okay, not for my feeling of guilt (because that will never go away, no matter what) but just so that he will make it through school and will be okay.


O Lord! Make this youth radiant,
and confer Thy bounty upon this poor creature.
Bestow upon him knowledge,
grant him added strength at the break of every morn
and gaurd him within the shelter of Thy protection
so that he may be freed from error,
may devote himself to the service of Thy Cause,
may guide the wayward, lead the hapless,
free the captives and awaken the heedles,
that all may be blessed with Thy remembrance and praise.
Thou art the Mighty and the Powerful.