Wednesday, December 09, 2009


when i drool this is what i am looking at Carl Zoch's photographs.


Sunday, November 08, 2009


today, right now at 12:41 sunday novemeber 8th i am missing the art insitute of chicago. in this moment, on this day there is no where else i'd rather be.

i miss the smell. i miss it's lightness and it's darkness. i miss it's warmth and it's marble. i miss it's one hour el ride on the purple line express to the house of worship. i miss the people who step on and step off that train. i miss physically being at these my sanctuaries.

Friday, October 09, 2009

things that make me happy

day dreaming of having tea with the women who is giving a lecture, finding out a week later that someone else in my class has the same dream, and two hours later the dream coming true. i love what happens when we dare to dream and then step out of the way and allow life to fulfill our dreams.

two weeks ago i went to a lecture entitled, "Eastern Needs and ‘American Desires’; Impact of the open economy to domestic architecture in Sri Lanka" and fell in love with the speaker Anuththaradevi Widyalakara, who from the start of the lecture was fully, entirely and strongly herself. it was so refreshing to go to an lecture where the speaker was naturally themselves and was actually engaging with the audience. i learned so much from her presentation that i sat in my chair wishing that she was my professor and wishing i could sit down, have tea with her and learn more about her life.

yesterday, before taking an art history exam a classmate and i were gushing about how much we enjoyed Anuththaradevi and found out that we had the same dream of sitting down and having tea with her. after the exam, i was wondering around the art history building when lo and behold, Anuththaradevi stepped out a room right in front of me. i could not believe it. i walked up and told her how much i appreciated her lecture and how we wanted to have tea with her. right as i was telling her how we wanted to have tea with her, my classmate appeared out of no where five feet from us. and then all three of us went across the street to have tea. it was crazy and it indeed made my month.

oh and, i like working with my hands. they feel strangely magical at times and this makes me happy.

Friday, August 14, 2009

some things i learned brought to you by the letter L ('L' as in Life)

I saw the other day that the inequality of men and women has to do with women not voicing their voices and men not listening to their voices. To reach true equality between men and women, women have to find their voices and let go of their fear that, one they will not be heard and two, the fear of their own power. Men, on the other hand, need to listen and let go of their fear of what might be said and the fear of losing power, and in some cases the fear of losing control. (Side note: I want to point out that I am not saying men have all the power and the women need to take it. What I am saying is that men have their power and women have their power. Each needs to step into their own and learn how to use it effectively.)

As individuals we have the responsibility to find this equilibrium within ourselves, that is to say we have the responsibility to find, use and listen to our own voices while at the same time listening to others. Do not be afraid of what you might hear, be detached and seek the truth in all things and in all matters, and soon, through patience and sincerity, you will recognize the truth when you hear it, see it or (who knows?) even when you taste it.

And now for a pretty picture:

artwork by: misha maynerick (and i believe, if you love this piece like i do, you can purchase it via her website...hint click her name and magically you might find yourself at her homepage)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

This is why I love film:

from the about blurb from the official website:

Bita Haidarian, an award-winning Iranian American filmmaker fresh out of film school, sets off on a journey around the world to answer the big questions – who am I, where do I come from, and where can a girl find a good laser hair removalist?

Born in America to Baha’i refugee parents from Iran, Bita tells the tragic-comic story of her family coming to America, her childhood in Texas, trying to fit in, and competitive cheerleading – all part of the quest of a girl who knows more about MTV than Al Jazeera.

Bita brings us from ‘Tehrangeles’ where Iranian girls get their noses re-shaped in posh Beverly Hills offices, to the garment district of LA where she cut her teeth in the fashion industry, to high society London where veiled women take lessons on how to secure a husband. Where princes and emirs mix with lords and ladies, Bita will take us into lesser-known corners of women and the Middle Eastern world.

Finding Bibi smashes worldwide stereotypes about women in the Middle East and is simultaneously a clarion call for the emancipation of women around the world.

And Bita’s plea to public – please watch my film! If it doesn’t succeed, I’m going to have to get married.

the official website can be found here: Finding Bibi

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Jyothi totally called this day. Or also known as: Please, God get me to the second floor already.

So here it is Mr. O'Riley, what I learned today. ( Mr. O'Riley was my eight grade lit. teacher and also he played a larger impact in my life as my junior varsity soccer coach in high school. Each day he would ask me and my then friend Danielle what we had learned that day. On a surface level I think it was his way of building a relationship with us, but on a deeper level it was helping and teaching me not only how to reflect but also the power of reflection.) So, now that you all know what I mean when I say this, here it is Mr. O'Riley, what I learned today.

You know that feeling? The one that inches up every so slightly, ever so quietly that causes a strong thought in your head. You know, the feeling that gently tells you, "You probably shouldn't do what you are about to do. In fact, I would strongly advise against the action you are about to take." But then since it seems so silly (mainly because it goes against your own desires) you disregard it. You push it away thinking it is just a fear, that it has no merit and what you are about to do is harmless. I mean you don't know exactly where that thought came from or why it is so strong so why trust it right?


Please listen when I say this, when this happens to you and you analyze it and go, "ohhh..I think this thought is the type Anya was talking about on her silly blog she never really utilizes," remember that for once in your life listen to that thought, just go with it. Take that thoughts advice, even though it seems so random and doesn't make much logic sense, just freaking go with it, okay? If you don't? Well you might just end up killing your families cat and your sister's dog. Seriously, you ignore this thought you are just making life harder on yourself and causing one huge nasty shit of a mess that will swiftly and simply tare you up inside.

Basically this is what happened, and I'm going to write this in bullet straight forward facts to cut out the wordiness of my writing:

Saturday 12:15 p.m.: I tare up some of my left over chicken (even though I know there is something wrong with giving her the chicken, but it is just a feeling and psh, hahaha oh feelings...rolls eyes excessively) to substitute Misty's (or more sexually accurately, Mister's) one can of gravy and chicken. I then proceed to poor additional dry cat food over it to make sure the cat's got some food while I spend the next gloriously, gorgeous, and, more importantly, hot and sticky days in the city.

Saturday 12:20 p.m.: Misty roars with discontent on my decision and straight up tells me, "WOMEN THIS SHIT IS GOING TO KILL ME!" Which I reply, "SHUT UP DAMN CAT, YOU'LL BE DYING SOON ANYWAYS. WHAT ARE YOU LIKE 12 (which for those who do not know equates to 94 in human years)?!" Misty strikes back, "I am not that old." I fire back with all my sass, "Ohhhhh, that's right. You ain't got no teeth because they haven't grown in yet, you cute little kitten you." Misty grunts. "That's right, eat your food and stop complaining! I am so tired of all your whining" are the words I leave the house with.

Saturday through Sunday: Explore city with friends, only think of cat to bitch about the whinny pants self of hers. (Side-freaking-note: friends discover Lito's Empandas 2566 N Clark St, Chicago which are cheap AND amazing. This place has been especially made for those who like awesomeness to go and enjoy.)

Sunday morning: Get in elevator at 11th floor only to have elevator to take us to the 44th floor for no useful reason and thus elevator takes us back down to 2nd floor. As my ears are popping from pressure and my stomach twisting from the drop Jyothi points out, "We need to all go back to bed. It is going to be one of those days." (this would also be the forewarning from God which we all seemed to miss at that moment: today is just going to breed grossness and breed grossness it did)

Sunday afternoon: Return from city and am back home in B-town suburbs. Half of family and dog returns from vacation.

Still afternoon: Dog eats entirety of cat bowl. Eats grass. Throws up in kitchen. Oh, wait sorry, dog throws up grass, mucus and 200 white cream worms in the kitchen. 200 worms are alive and start moving to find a new home.

Sunday 3:00 p.m.: Suzanne and Husayn chlorine bleach the hell out of kitchen and clean up dog mess a.k.a. grossness God was talking about in elevator.

Sunday 5:00 p.m.: House still feels disgusting when one of the worms that got away are discovered inching across the kitchen. The phrase, "Can't get 'em all," never felt so appropriate in all my life.

Sunday 6:00 p.m.: Allmart's go to leave (busting the heck out of this nasty worm infected house) and I go to fill up cat bowl. See that there are about 20 worms in cat bowl and realize that this is where the worms originated from.

Sunday 6:01 p.m.: I begin to cry as I piece the puzzle together. Me and the stupid, hot, muggy, humidity not only brought worms into the house, we brought it directly into the mouths of the cat and dog. Directly into the cat and dog's bodies.

As I cried I found myself saying, "I am so sorry. I didn't know." But then I realized I did know. I did have that strong feeling that came from the pit of my stomach that I was not suppose to give the cat chicken. I knew but I didn't listen. I didn't even give time to question that thought, I didn't give myself the chance to digest it and understand it. In all honesty I didn't want to have to buy more cat food, I didn't want to spend the ten dollars. So when I went to put the chicken in the bowl and that thought came up and I ignored it because I didn't want to question, explore and reflect upon it. I feared that it would end in me going to Jewel and spending ten dollars I didn't have on cat food. Ten dollars, that's what it came down to. Ten dollars and I may have killed or caused great harm to my cat and my sister's dog.

And this, this Mr. O'Riley is when I saw this pattern of accepting but not taking the time to actually understand, and how it has repeated within my life and affected my life. All the consequences and the painful ways of learning all became clearer. Today I learned the importance of questioning that in which you do not understand, whether it is a thought that comes from within you or one that you hear/read about, and to not be afraid to explore or ask what you do not understand. Question and seek with detachment and sincerity and know (or at least from what I understand) that your answers will surely come. Patience, patience, patience and have faith that your questions will be answered and the answer you seek will at some point unfold before your eyes. Okay so that last line is a bit too cheesy for me, but I am way over writing this post to change it.

Oh and umm...can you imagine the grossness of seeing 200 worms quickly crawling out of throw up in the freaking kitchen right before you eyes?!!?? (I mainly wrote this reminder to freak Katie Bishop.)

(I love you Katie Bishop, I love you.)

Saturday, February 21, 2009

hug please, elsa bishop!

i'm not entirely sure how this was decided yesterday or how exactly how it happened, but today i'm off to seattle via the train. above is a map of the route. i is excited! my ipod died, so no music or any catching up on this american life. ahh well...books, sketches and the site seer car shall keep me occupied.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

a tantrum un-thrown

the words rattle around my head. this is just a moment, it will soon pass...but these words have become my finger prints. (you know the ones that glue me to the edge i've been dangling on for months) and though i am grateful that the grip God gave me is super and powerful, in this moment i want to let go already.

i also want to ask, "when exactly is this moment suppose to end?"

time is irrelevant in this situation, even though it's what i think i need to make it through this moment. i fantasize that time will bring me hope, will bring me the relief i am so desperately looking for. it is almost comical to put so much reliance upon time, when it is simply a tool we have created to make sense of the foreign world we find ourselves in. i look upon a tool to provide me what only a virtue can give? now, that's just straight-up silly.

i just need to trust that you weren't lying to me when you reminded me that this is just a moment and it shall soon pass. which shouldn't be hard because how often has 'Abdu'l-Baha lied to anyone? yeah, that's what i thought. learning can be so painfully-obviously-simple.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

i honestly have nothing else to do. (also known as long ass post number 2)

this is my outfit today. i'm posting it because i have nothing else to do; i received no hours at work this week due to dwindling sales and me being the last person hired i get whatever hours they have left to give out (this week, apparently, there were no scraps) AND since anthropologie grabbed my heart only to throw it back in my face (at last moment they canceled an internship i could only dream to be real) i find that i'm currently floating in the realm of "what in the world do i do with myself now?"

i'm in this funk of having plety of half-way started projects (i swear brandon i'll finish those shoes someday), but no drive to finish them (beyond feeling guilty that i haven't finished them already). my creativity is still brewing even though my energy to follow through on projects is in no state to be used properly. as a way to release some of this creativity within me i've recently started to play a favorite game of mine that i have yet to name but for now will call it, "The Outfit Game" (i say that in a low, serious voice). i like this game for many reasons; one, it sometimes helps me get out of bed in the morning when i really, really rather not. two, i love creating the most when what i have to work with is limited. three, it makes me feel like i have much more clothes than i actually do and it makes me enjoy and appreciate that i already have much much more.

the rules to the game are pretty simple. match up items in your wardrobe that you have never matched up before. you can do this blindly, but for me that takes a great deal of the fun of the creativity out of it. dadaism has it's time and place and for me it is not in this game. but i encourage exploration, so try if you so wish.

the picture above is the outfit i made today. i don't usually name outfits, but with this one it just came out so naturally (and why not add a new element to the game, huh?). i call this one, "Here's Waldo." i think it captures the playfulness of the stripes and the nostalgic feeling created by the dress that resembles a jumper. i threw on some skinny jeans because it's way too dang cold not to wear a bottom layer. i wasn't feeling tights because the dress is a knit and it was still staticy from it's recent run through the drier. i'm so tired of winter that static makes me angery, since it is one of the greatest down falls of winter. i think leggings would do, especially paired with knee high socks. when i get around to buying a pair of leggings, or more specifically actually finding a pair that works, i'll get to play version 1.2 of "The Outfit Game" with "Here's Waldo." (version 1.2 is where you tweak outfits you have tried to put together with something that could possibly work better).

anyways, in hopes of turning this into a dialogue and making a lame attempt to turn this into something more, i dare to ask what do you think? to be honest i ask your opinion, not because i care what you think (i like this outfit it makes me feel happy when i wear it), but because i want to give people a place where they feel like they can practice openly and honestly saying what they think. i'm putting myself out there to practice not caring what others might think of me, to practice just being myself, so if you fear that what your opinion is might hurt me think of it this way; if it does then i get to practice letting not my heart be offended by people's differing opinions.

my mama has already casts her vote: she thinks i look cute. now it's your turn, what do you think?

Monday, February 02, 2009

inspiration (also known as one long ass post)

after having an amazingly hard emotional week last week i find myself searching for inspiration to pull me out of a week that left me within the tight and suffocating confides of the psychological torment known by the oh so fun and exciting question of, "why?" the thoughts in my head sound like a three year old trying to figure out how everything they see works. the questions start out reasonable like, "why, anthropologie, are you breaking my heart?" but as i come up with answers i also come up with more questions until finally i am left with the core of all the why's, "why am i here?"

i know the answer is found in the very first line in a prayer i say everyday: "I bear witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee." however i ask, "why am i here?" in a more concrete way like, "why exactly am i here? what purpose do i have to fulfill, specifically? how am i suppose to be worshiping God, what is it suppose to look like? how am i going to serve humanity?"

i know that these are my questions, but they are just too big for me (and possibly anyone) to digest and get to the bottom of in one fell swoop. so instead of focusing on my ga-zillion and three questions, i tried to find what inspires me. because, it's time for me to honest with myself and there is probably good reason i am naturally drawn to certain things over others.

i have no idea where i pick this feeling up, but even though style and design excite and impact me, i often think that i am suppose to feel empty about it. i remeber clearly in third or forth grade i loved cutting up fashion ads from magazines. in my room i even hung the collages i made of the different supermodels. my mom saw all of this and commented, "maybe you should be a model when your older?" my reaction to this was so strong; i felt insulted. already at that age i had picked up (not to mention believed) that models didn't do anything important, that they were unitelligent and that it wasn't a profession one was suppose to aspire to be. after my mom made her suggestion, i took the pictures off my wall and cut myself off from the things i liked that had anything to do with the fashion industry. tied together in my head is this formula that in my interest in style and design will lead me to be vain and materialistic. except not so much lead me as the interest itself means i am materalistic. which in the end makes me feel that my interest in design and style, who i am and what i enjoy a lot is this horrible, horrible monster that breaths fire, kills puppies and would rather buy clothes than fed hungry children.

so as i sat down at my computer to find inspiration, i decided to ditch the guilt of liking what i like and decided to start at the one blog i check multiple times a day: Go Fug Yourself, the writing is hilarious and the pictures help me appreciate and enjoy the different ways people choose to express their own style. luckily for me, the website was just recently nominated for best fashion blog of the year and was encourage readers to go vote.

this all eventually lead me to my inspiration finds of the day:

The Sartorialist
-pictures taken of people's outfits on different streets of cities from around the world (i really like this one)

Project Rungay-not quiet sure about this one yet, but it has pictures of collections that were shown at New York Fashion Week, so thus far i am enjoying

Simple Wardrobe-i actually found out about this site via Fiberarts Magazine while doing my magazine gazing at borders last night.

after going through these blogs and more specifically The Sartorialist, i want to get more into photography and start posting and sharing more style and design items that i find/make and start exploring the relationship between design and spirituality. we shall see where this goes, since i don't have a of yet.

Monday, January 12, 2009

reading: "Letter to My Daughter"

i very much like maya angelou and i thank her for sharing her wisdom.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Monday, January 05, 2009

there is a place of good that i come from, where i rise from and though the dictionary of my words has yet to be written or the full implication of my actions been seen, know that the good i do is for you (not the specific type of 'you', but simply the expansive kind). and though we do not write, call, or visit by any sort of societal definition, we are close. for we will always, in all ways, be one.

issues a tia faces

Originally uploaded by liza-bean
i am up this late for three reasons:

1) i just got back from work...pulling out and setting up new retail (i really like this job)

2) i am secretly hoping elsa will wake up in the middle of the night like she used to when she was younger to play

and 3) i don't want to go to bed because tomorrow katie and elsa leave to go back to seattle and i don't want to acknowledge that fact

it would be easy to say i wish i lived in seattle, but then when would i get to see amia and liam? these are the issues of a modern day tia, and i can think of only one thing that can solve this quandary; mitchellopolis. the day we break ground on this glorious idea, will mark the day of one overly-ubberly happy tia anya.