the life of a bouncer

in this moment everything seems so hard. it's like i can't get enough oxygen through my nose to clear out the dizzy cloud swirling in my head. sometimes (especially after four months) living out of a suitcase leaves me exhausted. and this exhaustion feels heavier when my vision is blurry and i can't see what is right in front of me, where this is all leading me, or what pillow my head is going to land on this week or even (sometimes) tomorrow. i grow tired and overwhelmed and a bitter rant waits to be uttered full of complaints, full of wrongs. but then i force myself to remember that even though i don't know which pillow i will land on at least i know there will be a pillow there. i won't go to sleep hungry. i won't go to sleep unloved or alone. God's love is always right there and I have turned towards it, making it ever so easier to accept. and even though i want a bed, i want a job, i want stability, i know that if these things were what i needed then i would have them and that really, this is just a moment within eternity. it is a moment well worth it, for all the pain and hardship i feel is only drawing me closer and closer to God and in the end isn't that what this life is all about?

findings

i have avoided american apparel at all cost ever since their store in evanston opened up and i saw in the display window a video all about how their model was a famous porn star. there was just something that stuck me, maybe it was the obvious "we are selling sex" message that ended up never stepping into any of their stores nor even looked at any of their products. then i found out from my friend dan (aka my number one fashion industry know it all resource) that they sell 100% organic cotton. this news came in a year after i first was introduced to their image and my straight up hating of american apparel died down a little. then this week, knowing that their are tons of their stores in chicago, i decided to look into the company online and found that they are trying to build a company that doesn't outsource, gives their workers benefits, subsidized transportation, subsidized lunches and even go as far to open a clinic at their L.A. warehouse for their co-workers. Needless to say i was impressed and thought hey, perhaps i should apply there. today, i pushed their revolving door until the store revealed itself to me and kept pushing until i was safely back on the sidewalk. i don't know what it was exactly, but my gut description was, "so this is what a store on acid looks like." there was just this weird, odd and strange energy in the place that i couldn't quit get what it was but had absolutely no interest in staying around to find out. so good job american apparel on doing all that you do, being conscious of your workers and such, but sorry, i just don't feel your image.

so i don't feel american apparel or their stores at least, but here are a few places that i just recently discovered and am really enjoying. the first one is a clothing line called Armour Sans Anguish that is out of San Fransisco. they take and recycle vintage clothing. i like their imagination and playfulness. then there is this line called William Good which is brought to you by the designer who was made famous from the Joe Boxer line. basically he teamed up with Good Will to take some of the gazillion pounds of clothes Good Will gets and recycles the clothes by adding a little bit of his own style to them and then resells them creating a William Good boutique. from what i read on their website one of the goals of the company is creating the next level from people who work at Good Will. pretty sweet. next on my findings was an awesome shop in L.A. called Fresh Press, if you are in L.A. please just go for me and then tell me how awesome i am imagining it is. lastly, dear friends, i have found my dream home. one day i will move to l.a. and i will live in this house (probably not, but why not dream). currently it is occupied by the guy who built it; ray kappe. unfortunately can not find as good as pictures that were in the dwell article, but there was something about the split levels and the where the lines cut that just got me drooling. there is a bunch of other nice stuff i discovered today, but i think one more link would kill this post. i'm thinking though that i'm going to have to set up monthly afternoons devoted to barnes and noble, there is just too much to be discovered just with the magazines.