Tuesday, August 17, 2004

21 grams

every monday this summer i have been going to ruhi book one classes (a study circle thingy). each time i leave feeling relaxed and calm and my head is clear as my thoughts wheel through all the different points brought up. last night we started the section on Life and Death. and the purpose of this section? " To understand that life is not the changes and chances of this world, and its true significance is found in the development of the soul. True life, the life of the soul, occurs in this world for a brief time and continues eternally in other worlds of God."
with that purpose i knew that this section was going to be my favorite thus far. i usually am pretty quite during ruhi circles because i feel that i know so little. i stay silent and take in what everyone else brings to the discussion. but last night i felt comfortable to bring up my questions and thoughts. i guess i never thought about the details of the body and soul and how they come together to work together for the span of mortal life. i never really feared death, because when my grandma died when i was five i told my mom that i never want her or dad to die. she told me not to fear death because when we die we go to Abha Kingdom (heaven..for those non-bahias who are reading) where we will be closer to God and where grandma will be. from then on i never feared death; i only feared how i died. but then after last night while discussing life after death the progression of our eternal souls my fear of how i "go out" became smaller. how i die and the pain i may feel will only be for that moment and look where i'll go after the pain ceases.

uhh... i think that this blog is going to be a lot about me finding me and a way to document my spiritual growth. which is kinda appropriate for the up coming year, don't you think? errr... so sorry about being self-centered with this blog and writing much about myself. each entry (hehe at first i put entree hehehe i giggle at myself) won't be like that, i'll be sure to random it up.... you know that is my style. like, now, i really am 1/20th brazilian!

so as have late i have become/becoming a little obsessed with dashboard. i heard them first from launchradio from yahoo. and slowly my obsession has grown. i brought their newest cd yesterday and i think i'm going to buy one of their older ones if i ever get paid for my cold. that is if coldstone ever gives me my check for the one week of work. i'm too timid to call. i mean what do i say, "hi this is anya. you told me i would work with you for a month and you used me for my infamous labeling skills and then dumped me. so are you going to pay me for that one amazing week or what? oh and do you think you could keep a spot open for me next summer?" so if you ever go to the st. charles coldstone and are buying a cake and notice that all the fives are crooked...it WASN'T ME! okay it was. but you have to understand the fives were soooo hard to get straight.


man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
but lord it takes a lonely one to wish she had never dreamt at all


after you die you they say you lose 21 grams.

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