Tuesday, May 23, 2006


perk #241 of living with the allmarts: being there to overhear husayn sing J. Lo's "Jenny from the Block"

a priceless moment?

you have no idea what you all just missed.

and now on to the rambling. bare with me or just stop reading...staring now:
there are things that people don't allow themselves to do and for me one of those things is hope. though to many this can be a romantic notion; to have hope is to have faith, to have faith is to believe, and to believe is to be hopeful. it's one big beautiful circle, but for me hope is scary. to hope is to finally admit to myself whatever it is that i am allowing myself to hope for is the thing i really want. doubt fills my head and the fear of what i'm hoping for is not what i need or is not going to get me where i want it to get me, or it is not what i should be hoping for and so forth and so on. i don't want to hope, because i don't want to be disappointed. i don't want to have faith, because i don't want what i want not to happen. i don't want to believe, because i don't want my hope to blind me in seeing other out comes.

confused? so am i. but at least i have a vague idea of what i am saying. you may not, sorry. words and i are in a complex relationship...and that being true, why i have a blog remains an question that's going to go unpondered.

i am hoping to go to ruhi in the woods this summer (an intensive training camp for future community service type thing) and i'm trying to put these fears of hope aside. right now i am filling out the application and i'm trying to figure out how to say what i want to say. not too good with words and writing, three out of four of the question asked are, in a way, intimidating. my involvement with core activities and my experiences with them? well, i filled in and helped my sister a few times with her sunday school classes...uhh...the study circle i was in held a devotional...umm...yeah. i feel under qualified to answer the question and scold myself, "why haven't you done...done...something!" i had school, i had a job, i had a two hour commute each day...these are the excuses running through my head. when did i have the time? i should have made the time.

but as i ponder about why, i think it all comes down to being shy and not knowing quite how to get involved with service in a way i felt comfortable and at least semi-confident about. i feel like going to ruhi would help. i would build confidence being trained in the ruhi books and as a jr. animator. i would become comfortable through meeting and getting to know the people that would be there with me, the people i would be working with when we come back to chicago. instead of "would" though, i should be saying "hope". i hope that is apart of what i would get out of going to this training. this is what i envision at least.




My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.

i'm not exactly sure when it happened or how exactly it happened but...i have become a shoe whore.

and if you are disgusted like i am slightly frighten by this; don't look in my closet. since moving to evanston (since i started paying for my everything...minus my mobile) the number of shirts i own has doubled, my skirts have raised ten fold, and my pants! have most certainly tripled. i blame what i call the 14-odd-years of hand-me-downs liberation. in no way being serious; it has changed my life.

...i also blame nordstoms rack, the urban outfitters additional 50% off sale items, and gap being convently next door to p*nea.

...and debit cards.


If you think that a kiss is all in the lips
C'mon, you got it all wrong, man
And if you think that our dance was all in the hips
Oh well, then do the twist
If you think holding hands is all in the fingers
Grab hold of the soul where the memory lingers and
Make sure to never do it with the singer
'Cause he'll tell everyone in the world

What he was thinking about the girl
Ya, what he's thinking about the girl, oh

A lot of people get confused and they bruise
Real easy when it comes to love
They start putting on their shoes and walking out
And singing "boy, I think I had enough"

Just because she makes a big rumpus
She don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy
Take a tip and do yourself a little service
Take a mountain turn it into a mole

So now you're mad, denying the truth
And it's hidden in the wisdom in the back of your tooth
Ya need ta spit it out, in a telephone booth
While ya call everyone that you know, and ask 'em

Where do you think she goes
Oh ya, where d'ya suppose she goes, oh

The truth well you know there's no stoppin' it
And the boat well ya know she's still rockin' it

The boat ya you know she's still rockin' it
And the truth ya you know there's no stoppin' it

You recognize with your back in the back?
That it's colder when she rocks the boat
But it's the cause hittin on the Cardinal Laws?
'bout the proper place to hang her coat

So to you, the truth is still hidden
And the soul plays the role of a lost little kitten but
You should know that the doctors weren't kiddin?
She's been singing it all along

But you were hearin' a different song

Friday, May 12, 2006

Do you feel?

Spontaneous motherfreaking dance parties make life worth living.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

When Your Burrito Explodes

You know you have done something wrong, and you have just gotten what you have deserved when your veggie burrito with no beans, mild sauce, cheese, cream cheese, with no guacamole and no lettuce explodes onto your arm.

somehow i managed to leave two friends eating lunch at two different potbellies (misspelled because i feel like it) all by themselves. one was at the one on wabash the other on wacker. yes, map it out in your head or on google maps (i still prefer mapquest) and you will notice that, yes i manage to leave two friends stranded at the two potbellies on opposite sides of the loop. not only did i have to walk those 20 some blocks (exaggerated because that's what i do) feeling horrible for how much of a failure of a friend i am, i had to walk those 20 some blocks hungry. so i guess i got what was coming after sitting down to eat my burrito, after i said, "well, at least someone is going to have a good lunch today." and yes, we were sitting by the windows to give the pedestrians something to laugh at.