40 bluesclues later...

love is funny because right when you think that you couldn't love someone more, you are surprised to reailize that you can and that you do. you know it's real love when you wake up in the morning after being with someone for four days straight (twenty hours...or 40 bluesclues...of which that were spent in the car) and you realize you miss them.

yes, my friends, i'm talking about the merkels. in other words, the past four days were great (minus being in nashville...where there are three things listed under the family activity page, two of which were BARS. oh nashville, how i don't miss you.) xcyden and i bonded so much (well, as much as one can bond with xcyden without being her dad...or her mom) that now when i refer to my children she is no longer included as the one that hates me. she puts on a hard exteiror that xcyden, but once i heard her say my name and made her smile, i knew she liked me (and by like, i mean she doesn't mind me). i'm so in love with this family i can't even explain it, for me there's been nothing like it. just know that automatically my heart smiles when i think of the merkels.

the first (of MANY) laughs this trip was at 6:30 a.m. on I-80 when katana asked me to play "highway in the hedges," mady and i burst out laughing thinking the song was called "highway in the heaven." saying, "where did she get hedges out of heaven? hahahahaha." while listening to the song we realized katana was right, which only made us laugh even harder.

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In the Highways, in the hedges
I'll be somewhere working for my Lord.

If he calls me, I will answer
I'll be somewhere working for my Lord.

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and if you ever go on a car trip with these kids you WILL know these songs

don't cross the street in the middle, in the middle, in the middle, in the middle, in the middle, in the middle of the block
don't cross the street in the middle, in the middle, in the middle, in the middle, in the middle, in the middle of the block

use your eyes to look up
use your ears to hear

and a personal favorite (while holding xcyden, because if you start it she'll finish it for you)...

D-A-D-D-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E
M-O-M-M-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E

the re-mix goes like this:

A-N-Y-Y-A need C-O-F-F-E-E

Sound Bite

i just got off the phone with katie. this is how the conversation went:

me: hello?

katie (yelling into the phone): ANYA! hi!

me (starting to laugh): whoa, there are a lot of kids in that background. where are you?

katie: on a bus going to the zoo!

me (laughing): oh, that must be fun.

katie: can i call you back when we get there? it's kinda hard to hear right now.

me: okay. wait! can i just ask you one quick (a roar of excitement from the kids erupts in the background) question? what was that?

katie: we just passed the zoo.

me (laughing harder): yeah, why don't you call me back later.

those dang fruit cups!

while in the fridge at p-nea (getting some fruit cups) a jerkface thought it would be funny to turn off the lights again for the fourth time in. a. row. while i was in there in the cold, alone. while going to punch a jerkface in the face (arm) with fruit cup in hand, fruit cup explodes up into the air and all over the floor before my fist ever makes contact with a dead-face (dead-arm) deserving jerkface. really, my life would be so much easier if p-nea stopped selling them.

seriously.

a happy, happy birthday to mi masha!

-----still enjoying the chicks------

I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain then I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

a cause for celebration

oh happy happy day!

when i woke up i was debating if i should get a weekend train pass and come home for my two days off in a row from work (and take my laundry with me). i woke up to a messy room and a deep desire to take a bike ride along the lake. i decided i better stay in evanston this weekend. then suzanne and husayn came back from there lunch date and right away started packing to go to batavia. it was perfect timing because i had already put my laundry in and this way i could actually save some money and dry them at home in batavia (i usually let my clothes air dry, i mean a dollar per load to dry 'em? please honey, i'm cheap).

my dear sister sara finally cleaned out her car. and does one know what she found in between the two front seats? none other than the dixie chicks cd that has been "missing*" since she dropped me off at the airport last SPRING! (*i put "missing" because i knew it was in her car, just didn't know where)

on our way to dsw i got to listen to my favorite dixie chicks cd (it's been over a year since i last heard it) and at dsw i found a pair of shoes i've had my eye on/looking for on SALE!

the day has been good.

p.s. amia is starting to take steps like crazy!

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You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I lack the proof
Well baby that might be so
Tell me what's wrong with having a little faith
In what you're feeling in your heart
Why must we be so afraid
And always so far apart

Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips

she led a full life.

she led a full stomach.

most people go home (as in their parent's house) and do their laundry. i come home and eat. i don't know what it is all about. but the first thing i do is open and go through the fridge and cabinets looking for tasty treats (not just un-healthy ones, i get excited seeing red apples and bananas as much as i do when i see chocolate covered chewy sunbelt granola bars and waffles). it doesn't matter if i'm hungry or not prior to coming home, the second i step into the house i get hungry (or maybe more like i want to eat). when i came back in decemeber for three weeks, i ate three weeks straight. when i come home on the rare days off from work, i just eat (i am eating an apple as i type). i wonder why that is. perhaps it's all the physiological stuff of growing up with seven people and "if you see something you want you better eat it quick or else someone else will" automatically kicks in.

...or not.

sara just called.
she didn't know i was home.
"my sister?!" she exclaimed.
"no," i said.
"yes," she said.

"you don't know me!"
and i hung up the phone.

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something in those eyes
in those eyes of yours

a hidden secret
i was suppose to find

buried deep, deep in those eyes
those eyes of yours

lies the truth i want to find

oh, how i miss

i'm at that point where i'm starting to miss having friends around. people to hang out with, people to talk to and people to call up when you have a few hours to do something. the only time i get to see my friends now is if i get lucky enough to get two days off in a row from work. so you might be thinking, "wait a second, aren't you in chicago now where there are a bunch of cool people are?" yeah, a bunch of neat people i don't know. and there in lies the problem. anxiety hits an all time high when i think about going to events where i don't know people and i don't have that security blanket of a friend. you should have seen liza and i at feast the other night. there we were during refreshments saying, "where is suzanne and husayn?" we were like two lost children. it's so frustrating in need of that sort of comfort. why can't i just be outgoing, why can't i be able to go somewhere new where i don't know anyone and be excited about it? i think just overall i miss the familiarity and comfort of my friends. they are after all people i know and like, and well, i miss 'em.

anywho, talking about people i know and like, the merkels! stopped by p-nea yesterday. i must say that was one of the best surprises ever. a week and we will be off to nashville. yikes, i gotta start packing (and by packing i mean buying some swedish fish).

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.

this morning i woke up at 6:50 a.m. and started crying. the first words out of my mouth were: i hate panera*. then i started crying again. i decided to stop crying (for the moment at least) and instead put all my energy in resetting my alarm clock to go off at 7:15 instead of 7:00. when my alarm went off i started crying (again) and while stumbling to the shower i grumbled, "i *explicit*-ing hate panera." i wasn't in the best of moods this morning. which i'm sure had to do with waking up not to hear a baby crawling so fast towards my room all i hear is THUD. THUDTHUDTHUD. THUD. and then a squeal of pure delight once reaching the curtain divider or a baby at the foot of my bed biting my toe. oh amia, i missed you this morning.

anyways, if my knees could talk right now they would be saying, "ANYA WE LOVE YOU!" for the two mile run i just gave them. ever since last tuesday, my knees whenever i walked would burn and would only stop burning when i pulled then up higher in a running motion. and boy was it a good run. rusty, but it was exactly what my body needed. i even ran into good ol' jay (riding his golf cart) on my way onto the track. i miss visiting jay in the training room. jay was the only person able to get my arm back attached to my body the way it was suppose to be without medication and for that my deepest wish is to have small pocket size jay i can just carry with me everywhere i go.

*i don't really hate panera, but i woke up in a bad mood and i had to hate something. panera just happened to be the first thing on my mind and the thing i was waking up for.

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Pick me up love
Pick me up love, everyday

Pick me up, oh, from the bottom
Up to the top, love, everyday
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
I take my chances on everyday

Left to right
Up and down, love
I push up love, love everyday
Jump in the mud, oh
Get your hands dirty with
Love it up on everyday

All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love.

On the other hand, we have different fingers.

so there i was closing, with two people helping me and still did not get out until 11:30. i can.not. sweep for the life of me. even if i go really slow. i sweep, mop, and then have to sweep again due to the horrible sweeping i did to start with. i now see sweeping as an amazing talent. and for those who do it fast, it's an art form.

keep in mind the following stories i share because of there rare-ity, not because this is how the majority of customers are. in fact, the vast majority of customers are extremely nice, understanding and patient. for example, the elder irish couple that came in two days ago. now they were awesome, because though it took me a while to decipher exactly what they actually wanted, they still had a sense of humor about it (and oh! how i loved their accents). but then there are the others. the ones i pretend to be having a "worst day of my life" days, where every. little. thing. that could go wrong (or that could possibly mess up), does go wrong (or gets royally messed up).

there are some strange people that you meet working in food service or at least some strange sides of people that you meet. the first time i ran into someone's strange side was when i wrongly informed someone that their meal came with chips (she ordered a half sandwich, half salad so instead of chips she got bread). she comes back to me very upset, "you told me that it comes with chips, but down there he says it doesn't. now which one is it?! does it come with chips or NOT*!?" (*this is when she threw down her buzzer and scared the living crap out of me). still shaken from her throwing the buzzer i stuttered, "if he said it doesn't then i must have gotten it wrong. i'm sorry i just started--" she interrupts, "so it doesn't come with chips. then let me buy some chips!" sean (working next to me) runs to get her free chips but first tries to ask her if she wants baked chips or regular krunchiers. she glares at him and says, "excuse me, she is helping me." i wanted to give her her chips for free, but was too afraid to say anything or try to explain anything to her i just took her money and apologized (which didn't do much, she was still pretty upset about her chips).

some people are passionate about their chips, some are passionate about coca-cola. one time a lady asked for diet coke and i said yeah sure we have it. she came back three minutes later, "i was told you guys had diet coke, but you only have diet pepsi!" when we explained to her (and apologized) that we only carry pepsi products she informed us that, "no one i know likes pepsi. everyone hates it!" thankfully (aside from her initial attitude) she wasn't all that upset, unlike the guy that came in last night.

now this guy, i have no idea what was going through his head just that he really must have wanted a cobblestone or something. peering through the display glass at the pastries he said disappointingly and annoyed, "this is the second night in a row that you didn't have cobblestones left." i tell him, "oh, they just sold out an hour ago. you just missed them." he grumbles angrily, "we then. you guys should make some more." i then make the mistake of saying, "yeah, i'm sure we would but then if we might sell any them and would have to throw them all out." then he says sort of to me, sort of to himself, "oh so i guess it's just, fuck me!" shocked at what he just said, i don't know what to do or say and deside (trying to make light of the situation)to say, "it's nothing personal." this (apparently) was the wrong thing to say, because he then gets very angry at me and yells, "it's personal to me!" this, i had no idea what to say or do. the other guy in line piped in and told him to calm down, "she just works here, man" and when the cobblestone man tried to defend himself the other guy told him he was over-reacting and to calm down again. he then grudgingly ordered a coffee cake and told me to tell my manager, "there has been a complaint."

then there are some people who don't understand lines. like a lady last week, who flagged me down while i was running to the bakery to grab a cookie for another customer who was waiting in another line during the mid-afternoon rush. "hello! i just want a coffee." uhh--okay. so i quickly grabbed her a cup for coffee and told her that lucy would ring her up in second. she took the cup and informed me annoyed, "and there are a lot of people behind me, too." uhh--it's called a line. she then left the line filled the coffee cup and then left the store, without paying.

people (who are in the middle of a "worst day of my life" day) act in such silly ways, say some of the craziest things and are out-raged by the littlest occurrences.

Don't rush me sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?

so maybe i over-reacted to placement testing. i say "maybe" due to the fact i don't know the results. i had time to read the english parts twice and it seemed to be easy and obvious questions. i guess the things i learned on that dr. lebin 300 question mid-term on proper writing stuck with me. or at least maybe it did, we still don't know for sure. it was just so darn easy. (i really hope i don't end up getting placed in a non-credit giving english after saying that. though, i would not in any way be surprised.) the writing section didn't go so well, i ran out of time and due to time anxiety couldn't make valid deep thoughts. yes, my essay ended with: My friend is even able to talk to friends in Estonia everyday. does that give you an idea of how choppy and messed up it was? (it, by the way, was an essay on if the internet has had a negative or positive experience. i, of course, was supporting the obvious side. the internet? positive? HA!) yeah, if i'm not given more than enough time to write, i write crap. hence i tend to finish papers that are due for class at least two days ahead of time. i had enough time for the math section that i was able to finish and then check the vast majority of the questions and correct them.

wow. this post suckss! (with an extra 's' apparently). it is one o' seven. would you expect something interesting at this time in the morning? if you just said yes, then you are just plain wrong. posting that occurs this early (at least for onionlee) is more based on the fact that "i can blog! (because i posess that kind of power)" and less based on "i have something to blog about!"

so i was thinking. i have so much growing to do. so much to do and so much to experience. i'm kinda excited (much more in an unpatient way, than in a mature patienct way). i mean, it's always fun to look back at how you used to be or what you used to do and have yourself a good chuckle. "ehmehmhaha, i was such an idiot."

I once thought I had mono for an entire year, it turned out I was just really bored.

what has happened to me? i can no longer sleep at night. i just lay there, thoughts of every. random. thing float through my head. it takes hours after i turn off the lights for me to finally fall asleep only to be waken again between three and four a.m. for yet another hour of random thoughts. i eventually fall back asleep, but am tired, sleepy, and low engergized for the day ahead. this vicious cycle started five days ago and i don't know how much more i can take of it. the first night that i woke up at three thirteen and jumped straight up in bed. "what the heck?" was my inital reaction. "why the hell did i just jerk awake, full of energy at flippin' 3:13 in the morning?" i lay there for an hour or so with random thoughts racing through my head (mulitple times yelling at my body, "fall asleep will, ya!"). random thoughts that never end. sort of like when someone you don't really know (or don't know at all for that matter) keeps talking and talking to you on the "l", then they start flapping their hands saying, "i want my chicken legs (heavy on the g)! give me my chicken legs back!" and you just don't know what to do to make it stop. yeah, kinda like that.

Overtired
Celebration is my attitude for the day
*explicit* and *explicit*
Do you like it when I talk that way?

Passing time
Understanding a prisoner of faith
Broken ties
so demanding
Get up early
don’t be late

I’m faking it again

It’s all in your head
Don’t act like there’s no consequence
No time to pretend
Get through the bend
Inspired by your circumstance

Mesmerized
Monday morning
No answers, no complaints
Sanitize dirty laundry
Uncertain of mistakes
I’m faking it again

Get through the bend
Inspire by your circumstance
Because everything
Everything
Goes away

crap. crap. crap. crap. crap!

while thinking about the upcoming week i remembered, this saturday i have to go to uic and take placement test. ugh. i haven't done math in ages and when i went home i couldn't find my trusty "kent" math binder that i had all throughout high school from freshman algrebra up to senior calculus. it had all the notes i would need to refresh my memory a bit. now i have to actually look, read, and learn from a math book. notes are so much easier to understand and help me remember. then there is the english part. crap. last year when i took the placement test it was during spring break right after i had taken dr. lebins 300 question liturary terms mid-term. i knew the stuff and the tricks. but now...now i'm screwed. oh and the writing part. i mean come on, i haven't done anything close to real writing since my term paper LAST! year. how i miss the days, after a term in mr. cranstons honors history class, when it was easy to whip up a five page essay that was actually decent. those days are long gone.

crap. crap. crap. crap. crap!

there is also a spanish test. you'd think i'd be fine after taking four (as in four!) years of spanish. yeah, right. oh man, i don't even do well on test to begin with. uic is going to look at these test scores and go cha-ching! we gotta place (and charge) this girl in math and english classes she won't even get credit for. which means she'll have to take extra classes and stay longer (meaning she'll have to pay us more). excellent. whoever choose to let her in twice, give them a raise!

there's a little black spot on the sun today...

i finally got around to watching Hotel Rwanda. how does it happen that the world power houses look the other way while these things happen? if it doesn't involve their oil, the situation doesn't deserve their attention, their aid? if we get involved it'll cost us money? since when could anyone put a price tag on a human life? one line that got me in the movie was when the lady from the red cross said, "what country wants 20 orphans?" how do countries turn away from 20 orphans, from children who have nothing to do with the situation they were born into? how do countries turn away from refugees knowing that if they don't allow them in they will die? how can we look away while it is happening all over again in congo (and i'm sure in numerous of other places in the world)? a daily fear for woman in the congo is gang rape. a daily fear, gang rape.

how long will this injustice suffice? when will the world wake up? when will people stop? stop putting themselves above others. making distinctions for the primal reason to put themselves above an other race or creed, to say "i'm better than you, because my skin in lighter" or "because these are my ancestors." what crap is that? back, while i was a freshman and justen (who's black) was my "love interest" i remember going over to danielle's house after school for a spanish study group. i don't know who, but someone ask me, "how are you're parents going to feel about him being black?" huh-what? how are my parents going to feel? "my parents won't care," complete with an "are you kidding me?" attitude. then someone said, "i don't know how my parents would feel." then someone else said, "my parents would not allow it. no way. my dad would be so mad." what? her dad would be mad if she brought justen home? but he's, like one of the nicest guys in our class. i was dumbfounded. just because he was black her parents would not approve. i just didn't understand and still don't. when are the veils that are blinding these people burn away; when will they see that the color of you skin, the shape of your nose, the thickness of your hair, the hue of your eyes, are all just that...the color of your skin, the shape of your nose, the thickness of your hair, and the hue of your eyes?


...it's the same old thing as yesterday.

Today Zach Braff and I held eye contact for more than two seconds twice and so today, today I blog.

while crossing the block during my two mile hike to work, i was almost ran over by a car that had not seen me in the coming across the street. luckily i noticed that the car currently heading towards me was not slowing down and stopped walking before it hit me. by the time the car stopped the driver (whose window was rolled down) was right in front of me and awkwardly (not knowing what to do but laugh) apologized. thank goodness i wasn't stuck by a car today and thank goodness that i was scheduled to work today after asking for and told i'd be given tuesdays off.

so on to what this post is all about (breaking the unofficial blog rule of: NEVER WRITE ABOUT WORK). when i walked into to work the head manager stuck out his hand and gave me a handshake and said, "Good job with the ribbon sales!" (panera right now is giving people one dollar off if they donate a dollar to YME breast cancer association and i guess i'm selling a lot of them or something, i never really found out). after that i thought hey, today might be a good day. then a couple hours later during the lunch rush i saw a guy that looked like the guy from scrubs walking up to my register. i decided that i was not going to bug him by asking him if he was the guy from scrubs or tell him that he looks like him. but, then when him and his friends came up to me his friend said, "you'll have to excuse my friend here, he always gets confused with a celebrity." i then told them, "oh, i was going to say. (then i looked at him) you are him, right?" he nodded and i quickly looked away to make sure not to stare (and to make sure i took their order). i paused and then looked up again and gushed, "i love your show! and my brother-in-law is going to freak when i tell him!" i then realized what i was saying out loud and gasped, put my hand over my mouth and said, 'sorry, i didn't mean to do that." i then took their order, mainly looking and communicating with his friend so to not get distracted by any distractions that could occur by looking straight at zach braff (the first celebrity i've seen in person). then we held eye contact for longer than two seconds when i was asking them if they wanted a cup for water or bottled water. he looked right into my eyes, raised his eyebrows, smiled, and said, "yes, bottled water." i then offered them the breast cancer ribbon thingy and he said, "of course, i always give to breast cancer." he kept talking to his friend while i rang up the ribbon. since i don't ease drop (or more like since i was unable to concentrate on what he was telling his friend and ring up the ribbon at the same time) i only heard the end of the joke which went something like, "you know, like i like to help spread breast cancer whenever i can." he then looked up and noticed i had heard the end only the end of his joke. this was when i saw the beginning of his worried face (the hilarious one he always gives in scrubs) so i smiled to let him know that i knew he was just telling a joke and he smiled back. i gave zach the buzzer for their food, he then walked off to wait for their food, and i told his friend that i'd be right back with their bottled water and fruit cup (this was one fruit cup i was not going to forget). his friend asked me, "oh, so you want me to wait here for it?" i told him, "oh, well, you can go find a seat and i can bring it to you if you want?" (something i would offer any customer). when i saw him leave the line to go find a seat i couldn't but help think, "yes, i get to see zach braff again." the second time our eyes met for longer than two seconds (the second time zach braff looked into my soul*) was when i came back with their waters and fruit cups. i then turned to his friend and said, "we are all out of large fruit cups, so i brought you two small ones instead, is that okay?" they chuckled and said it was fine. yes, zach braff just chuckled at me...was possibly what i was thinking as i walked away. i was so full of excitement, because i just met my first celebrity and it was an actual cool celebrity. i wasn't going to tell anyone at first, but then i looked at the clock and it was only 1:45ish (and i had just offered to stay later for someone who was sick) and i just couldn't wait until 5:00 to tell suzanne and husayn. by the time i was ready to spill the girl next to me (who i knew wouldn't make a big fuss and wouldn't run and go try to sneak a peak at him) had just gone on break for thirty minutes. then i looked to my right and saw my manager and i knew that he was not one to tell, but i couldn't keep it in any longer. "the guy from scrubs is here!" and like that he dropped what he was doing and started walking straight to the dinning room to find him calling back to me, "the black one or the white one?" when patrick came back he informed me that he (zach braff) was in town to do a talk for north western and then patrick went on to tell everyone else the guy from scrubs was here. a couple of people went to get his autograph. when i found out that people were going up to him, i felt bad. dang it, i knew i should have just waited to tell people until he left! let the man eat in peace for once. anyways, as he was leaving i saw him looking around and i hesitated at first to ask him if he needed something, but then i thought if it were anyone else i would have already asked them if they needed something. so i asked him and he said, "oh, i was just--" and then he pointed in the other direction towards his friend. then as he walked out he waved and said goodbye to me.

you know how when after you have a conversation you think of things you should of said instead of what you said. here are the things i should have said to zach braff today:

1.) i loved garden state!
2.) you are freaking hilarious.
3.) scrubs and arrested development are like my favorite shows. have you seen arrested development? you should, it's hilarious. don't even bother renting it, just buy it. i'm telling you it's that good.
4.) this is a silly question but... are you in town because you are going to be on oprah? if you are, can i have tickets?
5.) this is blog worthy.

ahh!! i met zach braff today (and his nice friend, you have nice friends zach braff). zach. braff. said AND waved. good.bye. to. me.

*i say this only for entertainment purposes, i'm not in love with zach braff or have some girly obsession with him where i want him to have my babies [sorry zach, it's just i don't really know you. though, i must say you are truly cute (so cute in fact that from here on out if i ever draw your name during picionary, i most definitely without a doubt or hesitation will draw you) and would probably father very adorable children].

Why are you squeezing your body against me?

It's a hug, Micheal.

Last night was the first time I was alone (besides going down my perfect rock by the lake...which I call the ocean, for obvious reasons) since getting back from a place where I was 92% of the time alone. What did I do with myself? Naturally, I caught up with Arrested Developement and laughed out loud (which is a given while watching Arrested Developement). I also watched the rest of the second Bridget Jones, which also made me laugh. I was about to write a huge long blog saying how happy and content I'm feeling and why I'm feeling that way, but then I remembered that I did have to get up for work this morning and instead of writing about it I just thought about it while laying in bed trying to fall asleep. It's been awhile since I was able to do that, which made me even more happy about being happy, content, and feeling/remember that I am truely blessed. Today is going to be a good day, because i'm taking two (yes two!) train rides to see some familiar faces, it's been awhile since I've done that too. oh happy day!

What I should really being doing right now is re-naming this blog: "The Diary of the Worst Cashier (not to mention Closer) in the World."

It's 12:02 a.m. and I am writing this now, because of the fact that I am the worst cashier (not to mention closer) in the world. You might think I'm exaggerating, because sometimes I do that. But, as my tearful eyes prove, it is true. I'm pretty sure I said, "Sorry!" to one guy 43 times. I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure after the fourth "Sorry!" one person gets in less than four minutes the word and the meaning loses it's sincerity. To make it worse, he substituted his chips for a fruit cup and I forgot to give him his fruit cup. He came back five minutes later for it, and once again got another one of my Sorry!'s with a face of disgust in disappointment of my lame fruit cup forgetting self. Then this other time a lady came in with a huge order, but the people who put it together were smart. They made and printed out each of their orders, which was a very helpful aid while collecting all their bottled waters, lemonades, and bagels. I once again forgot the fruit cup (those dang fruit cups!) which actually was okay this time because she was more understanding having a big order and all. But then she came back to tell me that I punched in "for here" and they had to take back all the food and re-package it "to go". That I felt really bad about, because it was more work for the people behind the line. The next person right after that ordered a loaf of bread sliced, but as I put the sliced bread into the plastic bag the bread slices fell all around the bag. That's when this big dork just wanted to cry, "Why!!?? Can't I do anything right!" I, like usual, apologized and told the nice lady, "Just a sec. I'll fix this for you." The nice lady turned to me and said, "Oh don't be silly. That's fine. I'll take it like that. You would be boring if you were perfect." (side note: I could have given that lady a hug) So maybe I shouldn't be so negative (haha at first I wrote positive), maybe what I should really be doing right now is re-naming my blog: "The Diary of the Least Boring Cashier (not to mention Closer) in the World" Let me explain the closer part of that statement. I'm the slowest closer. For whatever reason I can't get everything done fast enough. Each task takes me forever and it's so freaking frustrating. Today everyone left a good 15minutes before me. Part of it has to do with that dang pastry display that has to be perfect (and the other part has to do with how much I suck, plain and simple). It's the same display that has new signs and plates missing each time I go to set it up. I must have spent at least 20 minutes putting it together and that's without really double-checking to see if I had everything done correctly. I tell you, I'm horrible. You wouldn't think some one could be so bad at something so easy, but I am one horrible cashier (I truly doubt that anyone could be much worse. Unless they really tried to beat me. And I mean really try).

It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me...

so many firsts this past weekend:

-first time at work that someone gave me a break (i didn't even realize that the one manager forgot to give me breaks until i left work and was like, "i'm hungry. why am i hungry at 11:30?")

-first time i got a real cell phone (not only do i get to live with suzannne and husayn, i get to be on their cingular wireless family plan. plus! i have one of the easiest phone numbers ever.)

-first time i went to the zoo and did NOT sing nor had stuck in my head, "Ohhhhh...I went the animal fair! and all the birds and beast were there!...something something something....the monkey he got drunk. bah-bum. and sat on the elephant's trunk. bah-bum. the elephant sneezed and fell on his knees and that was the end of the monk. the monk, the monk, the monk. and that was the end of the monk."

-first time (just now) that in my head i pictured the monkey flying through the air from the elephant's sneeze. it's late and i'm delusional and i'm laughing (hard).

-first time i got a day off from work since starting (which was suppose to be on monday but they called me and asked if i was doing anything important. if i could lie, that would have been i time i would have lied. but i can't lie and so i went into work and didn't get out until 12:14 a.m. yeah, after that i found myself slightly wishing i could lie. p.s. clean up is a bitch)

-first time i remembered where the condiments button was located on the cashier for the "you pick two" screen.

-first time i made a latte, hot chocolate and cappuccino. (the latte was good, the hot chocolate over flowed, and the cappuccino was almost made without foam. thanks to carlos, there was foam)

-first time someone gave me a rough idea of how much i'm making an hour at panera (by the time i thought to ask, i felt stupid asking because i had been already working for a couple of days)

-first time i rode the "el' by myself. funny story. imagine me getting off my first "el" ride at 12:23 a.m. and walking (very funny due to the aching legs from standing up seven hours straight) back and forth trying to find the exit. that's right i couldn't find the dang exit. don't. even. ask.

-first time i got to sleep in a bed since i got back home from south carolina.

-first time amia cried for me when suzanne (holding her) started to walk into the other room.

-first time amia tried to share something with me. (she was sitting on my stomach knawing [if you can really knaw on keys] on keys and she would stop and hold the keys up to my mouth and wait until i [pretended] to knaw on them like she was doing and then giggle in delight).

-first time i got something other than a hot chocolate at starbucks. (i got an iced chai latte while waiting for an interview)

-first time that i found out that if you google "Do you has" or "do You has" or "tomasha gordon" you'd be directed to this very stie, onionlee.blogspot.com (i don't understand the "tomasha gordon" either).

-first time i went to a target in the last three weeks (which IS a big thing).

-first time i feel somewhat independent and somewhat grown up.

so after my interview with starbucks i was thinking of how i really will have no life if i get the job. i will have to wake up early, work, take a three hour break, go to work (at another place) and close (getting out anywhere from 10:45 to 12:00). that doesn't leave much time for getting to know and meet new people (which is a bit sad, considering i am in the chicago area and there are lots of bahai's in the chicago area) or even for going home to see people (can i really survive this long, being so close without movie nights?). i did request and was granted tuesday nights off (for ruhi). other than that, i don't think i'll be getting out much to meet new people. which is okay. i mean, for one, i need the money for school and once school starts (if i'm commuting) i'll have a car and will be working less hours. also, i'm a bit of a homebody anyways and look who i'm living with; amia! like i would really rather go out instead of staying in and playing with her? oh, puh-lease.

----------------

I used to laugh at all those songs
`bout the rambling life, the nights so long and lonely
Well, I ain't laughin' now
Now that I'm caught up, it seems
In all the same ambitious dreams
That only lonely life allows

And the home I don't go home to
The friends I don't see
Aren't the part of this life
That endears it to me

If that's the price I have to pay
For doing things my own way
Then it's what I'll have to do somehow

Till I find my way back to my heart
For there's no one but me's gonna take my part

------------------

And just when you think that you've got enough
Enough grows
And everywhere that you go in life
Enough knows

Up up up up up up dances
The steam from the sewer
As she rounds the corner
The brutal wind blows right through her

Up up up up up up raises
The stakes of the game
Each day sinks its bootprint into her clay
And she's not the same

And just when you think that you've got enough
Enough grows
And everywhere that you go in life
Enough knows

Half of learning how to play
Is learning what not to play
And she's learning the spaces she leaves
Have their own things to say
Then she's trying to sing just enough
So that the air around her moves
And make music like mercy
That gives what it is
And has nothing to prove

She crawls out on a limb
And begins to build her home
Amd it's enough just to look around
To know she's not alone

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZA!

Since it is liza's birthday and there is (sadly, very sadly) no family party today i will share what happened last year. if you would so kindly click

here

you will see it was one crazy birthday celebration. my dad and mom who usually tell the birth stories the right way, got a little creative (or maybe the truth came out) because two of liza's friends were there and they had an audience and maybe possibly felt that they needed to add some humor to the story (and add some humor they did). or maybe it was messed up because i called them on everything weird they said interupting them on an average of every five seconds (which, in my defence was rather hard not to do). oh man, that was one messed up story last year. liza, look on the bright side even though you didn't get a family party, you at least didn't have to hear your birth story the way it was told last year.

Happy birthday!

sara. elizabeth. bassitt. check out you blog for once will ya AND though i did not call razian to wish her a happy birthday, i did write about her birth story on her birthday (that would be the entry dated april first)

an overdue filler inner

i haven't even been here a week and already i feel like i've been here for awhile. it just feels right. you know what i like about the city? even though that there are tons and tons of people, you can always find a place of your own. like this afternoon, for example, i went down the lake to say some prayers and found the most perfect rock. it was positioned in such a way that if sitting there you would have the best view of the lake. a view where all one can see is water and sky. if you wanted to see anything but water and sky you would have to make a conscience effort to turn your head to the side. plus, my little perfect spot was tucked away by the taller rocks hiding me from any possible people walking by. i felt completely detached from the noises of lake shore drive that went on behind me. i can't wait until summer weather comes here to stay and i can go back to the rock and paint. anyways, i know you have heard this before (at least if you read any of my siblings blogs), but evaston is great.

i feel like i should give an actual uPdating on the happening of the past week (yes, week. i can't believe it's only been a week. it feels like i've been here forever. in a good way). [but first a quick overview of my trip home. when sara, mom, and matthew came to pick me up i showed them around and then we went online to get a hotel for charleston and asheville. i only knew one street in chalreston and as it turned out (thank goodness) the hotel we got (for almost 50% off!) was on that one street i knew. charleston was great; while eating dinner we watched illinois get into the final four (it was heartbreaking to watch them lose the championship two days ago, but i had fun pulling out some of amia's toys to explain to suzanne what a screen was), increased (plus confirmed) my liking charleston by 86% and i will go back there with money for shopping (which is no time soon, that's for sure). the drive to asheville stunk. much due to the fact that mother nature desided that each time i got behind the wheel there would be not only fog, but also rain and when the fog finally clear up, it would just pour heavy rain. asheville was great also and i would like to go back someday to vacation for a week. we were suppose to stay in cincinnati, but as we were driving by it i said, "let's just go home!" and we did. and that was the vacation that was. you want more? ask katie for the letter i wrote her, it gives a more deeply insight of the trip home.]

one of the first things husayn said to me when i first got back (and five seconds ago) was,"it's kinda like you never left," and it's true; that is exactly what it felt like. i mean i knew that i had been gone for six month, but i think because i was at home, somewhere familiar, it felt like i had never left (even though when i see my children i know that it will be evident that i was not there. kids grow so fast). i wanted to move into the allmart's right away, because i didn't want to unpack in batavia and then re-pack and re-unpack again in evanston. but then i found out that when i was asking my dad to stay with them ( when i was asking if it was it was finacially possible), he thought i was just asking permission to live with them. what i am saying is that i found out i'd be living at my own expense. i got so excited about just living with the allmarts that i didn't really think about costs. so, the second i got into evanston i started looking for a job. by friday afternoon i had applied to all the immediate locations (stores within three to eight blocks). on saturday i went out with suzanne and amia to apply to the immediate locations i missed on friday and then ventured out by myself to downtown evanston. --remember: i didn't know exactly where i was going and for the last six month i had been living in hemingway, s.c. just remember that.-- when i reached downtown, my body went into a bit of shock, "so many stores, people, so many stores." at first i tried to walk off my shock, that only worsened it. everywhere i turned there were stores and as far as i could see there were stores. i turned right around and headed straight back to the apartment, not able to stop and apply to any stores. to wrap this up...on sat. i applied to panera, made it past the manager interview and was offtered a real interview. on mon. morning i had my real interview. by mon. afternoon they had called back offered me a job and asked to come in to fill out papers (making my grand walking total of the day: eight miles). on tues. went to Planet Bread, graduated, and brought home fresh bread made by me. today, i started training. it's been crazy to say the least, cra-zy.

this entry was all about updating, making it rather long and boring. so to make up for it let me tell you what one of my favorite people did today.

today, while i had my hand clamped over my cereal (to protect amia from belly ache or up-chuck), amia (after trying with all her mighty strength to pull my fingers away) bit my nose! she only has two little teeth and she managed to bite my nose! there's more. then (later) while i was telling suzanne the story i turned to amia and kissed her nose and said, "that's what you can do amia. you can kiss my nose, not bite it!" she then leaned towards my nose and bit me, again.

Do you has?

Four months ago at a youth gathering a girl comes up to me and says, "Do I know you? You look so familiar." I ask, "Have you ever been to Illinois?" She says, "No. (pauses) But you look so familiar."

Last week at a gift shop for a mansion the sale lady says to me, "You look familiar, do you live around here?" I tell her the truth; no. "Oh, I thought you looked like one of the students from a class I used to teach or something."

While filling out tax forms my soon to be manager says to me, "You know, you look like the other cashier we have."

Walking past a car dealership a man in a new car pulls up to me and waves me over. Thinking he's asking for directions I lean towards his car and say, "Yes?" The man looks at me a bit confused and then says, "I'm back!" while holding up a piece of paper. I smile and politely inform him, "Sorry, I don't work here."

Now, as I'm sitting here, I ponder, "Do I has a universal face?"

I dare say, it can't get much better than this.

If it takes three jobs for me to able to live here, so be it.

But why?

Well, because when Amia (not that Amia herself isn't enough of a reason) woke up this morning and saw me sleeping on the couch she clapped her hands in excitement.