and we're off

jessica, katy and i are off (while okay, katy in a week) for our summer service trip. think musical devotionals and youth night firesides, add a car, and cities such as phoenix, flagstaff, tuscon, portland, seattle and a bunch of stops in between. right now we are enjoying (and i am surprisingly loving) overland park, ks. getting a last minute play date with erin was wonderful and the amazing johnson family has hooked us up with places to stay in east kansas AND denver. next stop: hays, kansas! (via the backroads).

i want to yell this to the whole world

not every sign is for you to figure out. not every happening is yours to understand or even know. what will be will! be! yet, if you still find yourself wanting to know (or even an over zealous need to know) think of your worst fear, give it a hug, and then let it go.

i watch ugly betty

and can i just say: Gio!!!




(he makes me happy)

Recipe:

combine the lyrics of ani difranco's "Bouquet" with a part of an old relationship unexpressed, a boy's confession of his sole desire to raise a reaction, a girl looking for just one piece of a long lost puzzle, a long ride home on the "el".

mix ingredients together, watch patiently as the words fall into place, enjoy and you might find yourself published in the 2008 edition of In Other Words.

yay for poetry! (and double yay for possible, unexpected income.)

opps, my bad.

anybody wanna a pair of shoes?



















after a weird moment in the car i turned left and ended up at DSW wear i found these delicious purple shoes (picture below...70 freaking percent off!). in all honesty i shouldn't have bought them because well, i no longer work at the buck of stars and thus only have money for food. but my feet have been seriously abused and when i put on the purple goddesses my feet glowed of happiness, so in a way i had to get them.





anyways, as it happened to turn out i also found a pair of brown all-star converse for 70 freaking percent off only to realize that they were a size 10 in men's after i had already stitched on them. so i'm giving them away. anybody want? they are a size 10 in men's (that converts to an 11 in women's) and if you like the stitching i would love to add more, but if not that's cool too. i just want to find someone to give them to. don't forget that Naw-Ruz (the Baha'i new year) is on friday. they could make a nifty gift....

Proposal

the definition, by what we mean when we say society

comes from the generalization we see from the lives

portrayed on t.v.

but what’s really going on in our society?

I see mothers driven to insanity

overwhelmed by their responsibilities

left upon them from a lack of community

i see children turning to drugs

to escape the pain of our

fucked up reality

I see the rage of the

“Right of the Individual”

messing with our nobility

can’t you see?

“We are flowers of one garden,

Leaves of one tree,

Waves of one ocean” *

the human body is our

community and our cancer

is our society

we are dying forgetting our own equality.

so come with me, stand up

take hold of your identity,

become a conscious member of humanity

and help me

i’ll bring what i see, and

you bring what you see and

together let’s change our reality.

together, let’s redefine our society.

*quote taken from the Writings of Baha’u’llah.

leap this year

all the wintery-fullness has hit me full force and i'm tested on average three times a week to my baby bear instincts to crawl into a hole and sleep until sunshine and all it's warmth wakes me again. if it weren't for the lack of universal health care i'd seriously considering dropping all of my classes and moving to where ever warmth lives. wow, i think the reality of that thought just caught up to me and has me shaking from the weight of the honesty behind it.

dang heath care.

dang student loans.

dang fears.


yet, in the back of my mind i can't help but laughing... the Fast has such perfect timing.

muddled thoughts

many levels we don't see, blinded by dichotomies. separating with walls built off fears and other false necessities. what happened to our faith and our vision that we are one family? what caused us to utterly forget our purpose or lead us to give up searching what we are made to be?

O SON OF SPIRIT!
I created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty? Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? Out of the essence of knowledge I gave thee being, why seekest thou enlightenment from anyone beside Me? Out of the clay of love I molded thee, how dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting.

-Bahá'u'lláh

has anyone heard "New Soul" by Yael Naïm? it plays on the new apple commercial, and i'm pretty much in love with the song...i kinda feel like i wrote it.

i have a friend named anna

her voice takes my heart places and sends vibrations
through my soul.

(i hope you don't mind i put this up anna joon!)

Connections

first off, i am alive! surprise! second, not only am i alive i do have a blog that i post on...possibly not often but it's here and believe it or not i know it's here. and now, onto what got me to actually post something. on friday, my mom and i headed up to the north shore for grandparent and special friends day at amia's montesorri school. as i watched her explore whatever she felt like exploring i thought to myself, "man! i wish i got to go to a montessori school." i had this feeling that if i had i'd would have been a lot happier with my education and not so caught up in societal standards of who i should be. but then after/while going through and clearing connections, loyalties and fears of burdens i carried for other people, feelings i had about school, emotions i have with finances, shyness, my self-consiousness, and a poisonous idea of relationships (a lot of heavy stuff i've been holding onto) the idea hit me, "i still can have a montesorri education; i can explore anything that i want to explore!" and ever since then possible situations and opportunities have been falling into my lap. and really these opportunities have always been there, i just wasn't able to see them in the realm of an actual option for me. it's like suddenly i see these things as conformations to guide me and what a beautiful way to see!

here are a few explorations that i have come upon recently (where there are so many connection to the connections that i feel like i have to follow up on them):

1) printmaking

2) travel around china for the summer or maybe just visit hong kong (though, this exploration is dwindling with thoughts of fear..i'm still looking into it)

3) and upon looking at photos taken by my grandpa from puerto rico (like the one above...it's a six legged ox!!) i'm pretty certain that someday i'm going to have to make my way down south, where life seems to run in more simple manner.

yay, for change! and hooray for feeling very happy and very free!

Let me poll you...

so one of my projects for my online class on the history of photography class is the ask people five random questions about photography. i am very happy that they get to be random, for i like randomness and it makes it much more fun for me! i have decided to poll you, dear reader and here are my questions for you, answer away!

1) do you prefer to take pictures of people, places or things?

2) would you rather take photos digitally or the old way with film?

3) which would you prefer: looking at pictures in a museum or flickr?

4) do you agree, that this is one of the most beautifully gorgeous pictures you have seen in a long time?

5) do you hold your breath while taken pictures, secretly believing the old myth (or so they say) that pictures take a bit of your soul away?

working on

let the focus shift. let the view change. see the world differently, on a whole 'nother plane. let go what you know and let the new come in. see things the way they are and not the same old, same old thing. the only thing constant in this world is change, so let. it. on. in!

what i like about me

1) i like to hold you tight; up, down, jump around and make you feel all right
2) i like my killer sense of direction; i don't know what it is but i know how to get places
3) i like that i'm an observer of the world. i love the way everything is so interconnected and the interactions between people, colors, designs, pattern and everything...i love it all!
4) i like that i come from a big family and that i have sisters who marry awesome fella's and have me some amazing nieces
5) i like that i like to really listen to people and what's going on in their lives and help them out...i love, love, love stories about other people's lives.
6) i like that i adapt easily to situations and surroundings, it makes me flexible and able to enjoy everything and everyone around me...and life in general
7) i like that i'm open minded and have the strength to believe in what i find to be true
8) i like that i'm engaged.
9) i like that people constantly make me laugh (especially people who are just themselves, they make me so happy i easily fall in love with them) i also like that i fall in love with people for who they are.
10) i like that i'm a stinker and that i've confused everyone with #8...i wish i could have seen you're reactions.

so some of you awsomelicious people have already been tagged, but have yet to post, so i shall tag you again...anna
, katy, nathan, jessica,and the n-trizzle

IF ONLY I WOULD LET THEM!!!

He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

Psalm 91:11

apparently, i'm all about not letting people help me and i'm not exactly sure why. when i called my sister katie, she left me speechless my answering, "Whatdaya mean you won't let anyone help you!?" then this morning my mom walked in said, "look anya, here is a book for you." it was called My Father's Angels and the Psalm from above was in the front cover. Though, it is not at all funny that i'm not letting people help me, i think it is quite funny that i have become (or at least i think i have) just as frustrated at myself as those who are trying to help me are.

gosh, darn it anya! get it together!

summer project

my all-star canvas'before and after:







by 12:00 p.m. on monday, my summer will be officially over. geet-street and i made a plan at the beginning of the summer to spend our time beefing up our portfolios. i only thought of and worked on one project. what happened to me this summer? i'm not quite sure. will i return? God willing.

hey, J-face...you got some windex i can borrow?

this morning i read about how "your thoughts are your reality."

today i caught a thought and decided to test it. quick! i dug into my pockets and pulled out my mirror. determined to find the truth, i started searching. looking, i only saw my reflection. it wasn't until the dawn broke through, that it finally jumped out at me. at first i burst into tears and cried out (looking to blame), "look at the pain you have inflicted upon me!" two shallow gasps of air, i then cried out again (finding the blame), "look how much i let you grow!" defeated, i looked back. five years! i've weaved it's veil. five years and my tear ducts are left dry; for my ego has had it's way with me.



(prayers for clear perspective, please.)

since when did people not stick to the harry potter oath!?

dear passengers of the 12:56 train from chicago to elburn,

let me introduce you to the little thing known as the harry potter oath (aka common decency). first off, this being the seventh and LAST book i was under the impression that this is a well-known oath and that people (especially the fanatics, like people who traveled all the way to oak park to buy their book, for example) stuck to. but, unfortunately, for me, you are unaware of it. anyways in hopes to save others the same pain you put me through tonight, the oath is as follows: unless consent is given by all within ear-shot and you are in a locked room or such an isolated area that there is no chance anyone will walk in on your conversation, under no circumstances are you to talk about the book. it's a bit tricky, i know, so let me break it down for you: "talk about the book" includes talking in broken sentences or one word sentences, openingly reacting to something you have just read, which invites the following conversation:

friend un:"ohhh, what part did you read?"

idiot who openingly reacted: "the thing that happens on page ____? AND THEN SOME REALLY OBVIOUS CRYPTIC-PLOT-GIVING-WORDS!"

the slytherin-sorted friend who thinks she knows it all: "SAYS STRAIGHT OUT WHAT HER FRIENDS WERE TRYING NOT TO SAY STRAIGHT OUT AND GIVES PERMISSION TO TALK OPENLY ABOUT THE SUBJECT...INCLUDING FURTHER OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS!!!"

...making any facial movement, hand gestures, OR eye movement when you hear people talking about the book (until consent has cleared the area)and obsoletely no reading the book out loud in public (especially, when it's a public place no one can get away...like a train, for example). so you see, it is quite simple: just don't talk about it!

much love,

the girl who you upset so much i am still up at 3:00

p.s. i mean, come on, really, did you have to say it?

i find myself in kansas (but not)

i ran tonight. just me, the stars, the crisp noveremberish air, and a few too little cares. i ran looking for my sitting rocks that hide in front of the ocean. all i found were railroad tracks, pretty homes, and a whole lot of choked-back emotion. this is the place (that takes some re-adjusting), this is the time (that the soul starts trusting).

reflecting

so i've been thinking about this "unknown" upcoming year. suddenly, i find myself violently pulled out of the city and placed gently in the suburbs. it was as though the moment i began to adjust and gather comfort with my surroundings in the city, i was thrown out to the other universe known as the burbs. a universe where going to do your laundry doesn't involve locked doors or quarters (hollar!)and also a universe where putting a push pin, let alone a nail, in the wall is a huge no-no (grr!).

i have to admit, with so much movement (or traveling or whatever it is) in my life recently, i didn't really prepare myself (other than my physical self) for this move. i found myself in a panic feeling very direction-less and worried. so much so, i even called julie walker to set up another appointment. but as i allow myself to think about taking this time off...i finally feel the calm of this year and am starting to get excited. hopefully, i will remain focused, i will not seek the familiar and i will let myself grow.

funny, now that i think about the dream i had two weeks ago (what is going on with all these dreams i'm having!?!)...i was pregnant and really scared. the baby was all violent kicking and punching inside me, almost as though it was trying prey itself out through my belly. and it wasn't until i talked to my mom and dad did i feel better about having the baby and that the baby calmed down (but man, could that baby throw a punch!). it wasn't until tonight, after i talked to my parents (who were telling me about all the youth and young adult retreats that they use to have at their house and all the activities they were involved in with the community) that i felt inspired, started to really think about what i'm going to do this year and felt better about it.

Guess what?

iSight is the best thing ever. and do you know why iSight is the best thing ever? today, i saw my dear elsa zadi in motion (and her pre-smile face) via iSight. iSight is amazing and i thought the world should know. but considering that 94% of the people that read this blog were with me, watching elsa sleep in her mama's arms, via iSight, i guess i just thought that the 6% of should know: iSight is my new favorite. that is all.