gravy pours down my arm. my dad told me, warned me, "hold on carefully." i grasped both ends of the china "so delicate" i thought. it was my duty to carry it from the kitchen to the dinner room table. i walk with both eyes on the gravy until i trip on my grandma's guilt and my grandpa's rotting teeth. i fall, i have a choice to make, either i let of the china and let grace take it's fall or i clutch it ever so tightly, putting it before me and finish falling on my face. time it seems starts to turn slowly, waiting for me to decide. my dad's words are the ones i remember, but i don't think he meant for me to choose the gravy's fate before mine. with eyes wide shut i let go of the china. right hand first (without even thinking). my left hand still clutching, trying to hold the unbalanced weight. hot gravy burns my skin and still consciously i have to tell myself to let it go.
let. it. go.
i cry having to watch it break. i cry, foolishly thinking that it was(is) my job to save her. that my actions could(can) make her decision. forgetting my nobility, playing into false realities, i get stuck within my own susceptibility. but then grace catches me, somewhere between the end of the beginning and the beginning of the end, and teaches me to consciously let my worries go. so the gravy pours down my arm, but i have learned where my trust should(does) lay and that is something i would(should) never give away.
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4 comments:
You. rock.
I can't believe I forgot to mention earlier that I saw your video on the Fund email. Woo hoo! I'm loving getting to see a firsthand view of your artistic education as it all comes together, Anya. Seriously.
Also, I shall shamelessly continue to eat up all the awesome resources you've been finding lately. :-)
This is beautiful. It made me cry. Thank you.
Hug from a distance for now. And one in person to collect when you wish it.
But she does not need to be saved. She is powerful and strong and learning how to face the gravy of emotions that burned you.
She is a lion,
hear her roar,
she is fierce,
she is gentle,
she is kind,
she loves deep,
she loves wide,
she is a superstar,
just as you are,
brilliant,
shining,
bright.
She hurts,
she crumbles,
she stumbles,
but she climbs,
back up again.
I shine,
You shine,
She shines,
He shines,
All of us connected.
Intertwined.
Let our light flare outward,
inward,
all around.
Let it heal our wounds,
forgive our sins,
allow us to be imperfect,
striving,
hoping,
living for that warmth
of that light.
exactly, liza, ex.act.ly.
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