it is that time of life again, where growth has come in unexpected ways and relationships end. a shift occurs whenever a relationship ends, whenever i finally let go, and i see all my other relationships in a new way. clarity.
what is sad is that when i heard this song playing overhead at primary (the local art shop) i thought for sure the lines were "just give me a reason to love you/just give me a reason to be abused". hello subconscious! what a horrible mix up to have in my head. love equating to being open/accepting myself to be abused, or thinking that if only someone loved me it is worth putting up with the abuse. is abuse a natural risk of loving, or is abuse the natural risk of forgetting one's worth? i am going to go with the later on this one. abuse is the opposite of love, it is forgetting what love is.
so here i am breaking that pattern, stopping the substitute of abuse for love. my heart can't handle it, it can not give any more without getting anything back. i will not accept anything less than equality. so you got problems, you got issues? deal with them, talk to someone. do it. stop sitting in your puddle of shame, strive for something more. strive to grow. take the steps to get there. it's not like one day they will magically disapear, so step up shake them out now.
i don't want to hold on any more, i want to say goodbye.
it seems fitting that after all this i find out anis mohjani will be performing not five minutes from me on this upcoming sunday. how i love it when i return to accepting the gifts the universe can't wait to give me. upon landing in savannah i told myself this is where i will see anis perform and this is where i will meet maya angelou. one down, one to go. come one savannah, show me what else you got!
if these blogs are just too much sappy, you might want to stop following for a couple of months, i be processing some major stuff...you've been warned.