Friday, August 29, 2008

the life of a bouncer


in this moment everything seems so hard. it's like i can't get enough oxygen through my nose to clear out the dizzy cloud swirling in my head. sometimes (especially after four months) living out of a suitcase leaves me exhausted. and this exhaustion feels heavier when my vision is blurry and i can't see what is right in front of me, where this is all leading me, or what pillow my head is going to land on this week or even (sometimes) tomorrow. i grow tired and overwhelmed and a bitter rant waits to be uttered full of complaints, full of wrongs. but then i force myself to remember that even though i don't know which pillow i will land on at least i know there will be a pillow there. i won't go to sleep hungry. i won't go to sleep unloved or alone. God's love is always right there and I have turned towards it, making it ever so easier to accept. and even though i want a bed, i want a job, i want stability, i know that if these things were what i needed then i would have them and that really, this is just a moment within eternity. it is a moment well worth it, for all the pain and hardship i feel is only drawing me closer and closer to God and in the end isn't that what this life is all about?

1 comment:

Heather said...

Anya, you're pretty grand. If I had a place of my own, you could stay with me indefinitely! There's always a spare room here for you, you know, or a space on one of our floors. You'd just have to put up with our craziness. ;-)

H to the e to the a-t-h-e-r