Psh, i roll my eyes at you UIC computer hidden on the the third floor of the library (whose both shift keys are broken). i roll my eyes at you.
these past three weeks have been complete crazyiness.
crazyiness : spending every second of your day either in class, doing homework, planning projects, brainstorming for papers, mapping out when you will get it all done or working, ect.
every second : the ten minutes between classes, the daily hour break between classes, waiting for the el, riding the el, walking from the el to work, half hour break at work, the hour of preparation for the next day before going to bed, and the endless hours spend tossing and turning in bed trying to sleep but unable to sleep due to so many thoughts spinning through me head (saying i'm tired right now is an understatement, i'm beyond tired that i can't sleep no matter how badly i'm craving the peace).
today on the el i noticed myself wishing i were the other people i saw around me. i wish i were going to a 9 to 5 job, where i knew what work had to be done and when it would be done. i wish i was wearing a skirt with cute shoes and nicely done hair. i wish i wasn't so tired from staying up every night working on projects and had time in the morning to shave my legs, attempt to style my hair, and put on make-up. i wish i had the freedom to go home this weekend or have no plans and could just read at the lake all day. i wish that there was someone i knew sitting next to me who i could rest my head on their shoulder. i wish i had a known break where i didn't have to do anything for two days without being screwed. that's how the thinking started and it ended with me thinking simply, ''i wish i were them.'' and that's when i stopped myself. if by wishing i were them it felt as though i was ungrateful for what i do have. the people who love me, friends and family, the experiencances i have had, the things i've gone through, all that and more felt forgotten in my mind while wishing i were these strangers i saw for no more than 25 minutes. which made me ponder, what is it inside me that lets me easily forget these blessings?
i wish i could turn it off (it being what ever it is) and just start fully appreciating what i have. then i could really experiance that in which i am experiancing and stop wasting my time blind siding myself wishing and hoping things were this way or that.
BAHHH!
i'm so not going to proof read. i'm going to bed NOw.
-------------------
There she stands
A girl before you
Changed, unchanged
What does it matter?
She should be treated the same
With kindness and respect
Not frustrationg and annoyance
When?
Did she get in your way
Offend you by what she may or may not say?
Keep pushing her away
Leave her out, let her in
Let her in, Leave her out
Keep your ever vararing distances
Do as you please
She is just a girl
That stands before you
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