The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

why? why?! why, hasn't anyone sat me down and forced me to read this book. never have i laughed out loud so many times while reading a book (and thus far i have only read two chapters). i mean i never (said slow and cautiously) laugh out loud while reading. if something funny happens i may smile, sure, but laugh out! loud? never.

are you sitting down while reading this? well, good. because this is me sitting you down and forcing you to read this book. go (now*) to your library, borders, barnes and noble, books-a-million, or your own personal library. while at any (or all) of these locations you best find yourself the science fiction section. once you found that look under the "A's" for Adams. When you locate Adams find Adams, Douglas. Then when your pearly eyes (wide with excitement knowing you will soon have your hands on a hi.lar.i.ous, great summer read) fall upon "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" you may smile (satisfied that your library, borders, barnes and noble, book-a-million, or you yourself has it and you, yourself, found it), grab the book, proceed to check it out/buy/take it to you couch and enjoy (the only way you can with this book). and once you have finished reading this genius of a book and feel indebted to me, feel free to call and leave messages of lines from the book on my voicemail (because you know that would oh, so make my day and who doesn't want their day to be oh, so made?).

now, consider yourself forced.


How to Leave the Planet

1.) Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.

2.) If they do no cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House--(202) 456-1414--to have a word on your behalf with the guys as NASA.

3.)If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (and the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don't have any friends their either (at least, non to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.

4) If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.

5.) If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

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*and not now as in now, now. but as in now: the next thing you do after reading this entry (as in now, now).