After one week in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.

my head is going crazy. so much to do. okay, no, not so much to do. i could end up packing everything tommorrow night, but i have this crazy side of me that loves to pack and loves to make sure (and know) everything is in place that i can't wait until last minute or else my head would explode. no joke, i have this huge tension headach right now thinking about packing and the only way to make it feel better is to do a little packing. must remember battery charger on the bookcase, don't let me forget my battery charger.

last weekend we were invited to a fancy Naw-Ruz party in north carolina. the food was good. the company was good. and the place was beautiful (you know, i really like what i have seen from north carolina. it's hilly, but not too hilly. plus, the air seems fresher and crisper. oh, and there are people around). i even got to stay with gordon who had adopted me way back in october at peace feast. he made me some of the best blueberry pancakes i've ever had (he used to be a fireman in oakland california and he knows how to make pancakes). the first thing he asked me was, "Anya! did you bring your sneakers?" the last time we visited him i was wearing my senior night basketball shirt from last year and he got all excited that i played and thought it would be fun for me to team up with him to play against his two step-sons. unfortunally i didn't, because as i packed for the fancy dancy party i ran out of room for sneakers. "Mannn, i'm ready to run to walmart to buy you a pair."

we weren't going to play but then (when i was eating my blueberry pancakes) as gordon was telling andrew (his step-son) how lucky he was that i forgot my sneakers, because now he wouldn't have to get his butt kicked by a girl, andrew gave a very unpleasant "yeah, right" look. when i saw that look i thought...he's just asking for it (and, man! these pancakes are good). i then turned to gordon and said, "gordon let's go to walmart."

i hadn't played a basketball game in a year. i hadn't touched a ball in months. much of that due to a great fear of my arm coming out again, but this weekend i just told myself "Anya, your insurance card is in your orange wallet, you haven't been to the hospital in a while and a visit is way overdue. why not just try, have some fun, and see what happens." and do you know what happened? an almost sixty year old man and a girl who hasn't played a game in a year kicked the rumps of those two "yeaah, right" looker givers. and it felt great, not to win (though that wasn't bad either), but to actually play again. oh basketball how i have missed you.

you know what i finally realized this weekend? i love basketball. i love to watch it. i love when i have dreams about it and i really love to play it. you would think i would have had this revelation earlier, like sometime during the last nine years when i actually played the sport, for real, for a team. i suppose when it comes to me realizing i love things, it just takes me time.

hey! you know what else i just realized...i get to see mi masha y mi fasha tomasha!

--------
Hour follows hour
Like water follows water
Everything is governed by the rule
Of one thing leads to another
You can't really place blame
Cuz blame is much to messy
Some was bound to get on you
While you were tryin to put it on me
And don't fool yourself
Into thinking things are simple
Nobody's lying still the stories don't line up
Why do you try to hold on
To what you'll never get a hold on
You wouldn't try to put the ocean
In a paper cup

Maybe the moral higher ground
Ain't as high as it seems
Maybe we are both good people
Done some bad things
I just hope it was okay
I know it wasn't perfect
I hope in the end we can laugh
And say it was all worth it

I guess i just wanted you to see
That it was all worth it to me