You have your whole life ahead of you. You have a whole six years!

To me "what if.." always meant to change the past. I would think of past mistakes/situations in these terms and would end up being depressed and saddened by my failures. I would watch my past self and cridge, while thinking, "oh, anya don't." moments would replay in my head and each time i would get angry at myself. it was all backwards thinking, because now (and i don't know what has changed, but i'm a fan of whatever it is), i can look at past mistakes and, instead of getting down on myself, i can see the value of what i learned from them. And now "what if.." has become a base for dreams to form. "What if I go to grad school in savannah? what if in the furture i own my own coffee shop and work side jobs as a graphic designer? what if i become an industrial designer and get to make cool toys the rest of my life? what if i can find a way to work my dream job (to put together packages to send to people*)?" the possibilities become endless, and at times overwhelming. but that good sort of overwhelming, you know when you get so excited you just have to sit down and calm yourself. like getting to see the merkle's, for example. (aww, i miss my merkle's who i haven't see since two weeks before my birthday...which was janurary 8th! come on now, who can go that long without seeing the merkles. not me that's for sure) so, umm, yeah. i have a new way of thinking and my thoughts feel much clearer which makes me feel much more happier. now if only i knew if it were my left frontal lobe that was more at work when i'm feeling happier or my right frontal lobe, i would have aced my psychology test today. dang those psychology tests.

*if you don't get that, then you just don't know me :-)