uh-oh

i feel a home sickness coming on. a couple of nights ago i woke up suddenly and in my drowsiness was comforted by the sight of the bed post.

the bed post had a fuzzy towel on it and i thought it was raizan.

during the end of last summer when my dad asked me, "where are you going to school? or are you going to do a year of service?" i replied, "i. am. not. doing. a. year. of. service." and here i am at louis gregory in south carolina. i guess the guilt of one time raising my had at a retreat when asked, "how many here are going to do a year of service?" caught up with me. i remember hesitating then, too.

it's weird. before this year i really had no longing to learn about my religion. i stopped going to baha'i school during high school due to fact no other youth in the area went. i didn't like going to sunday school and having to sit in with the adults because i was embarrassed by how little i knew and by all the questions i had. i would get lost in their discussions and found it hard to keep trying to follow/understand what they were talking about. then this year i started getting tired of not knowing how to respond to, "baha'i? oh, what's that?" so i decided to go to sunday school with sara who went to the western suburbs school. for the first time i experienced the "new kid" feeling. so having dr. jay lead the youth classes was a blessing. he acted like he already knew me and his talks were great because he would always tie in real life stories/examples. plus he would always encourage questions and would clarify exactly what he meant. it was after his classes that i knew that i really did want to learn more about the faith. i wonder why it took me such a long time to want to really learn more?

my dream last night was all fast passed and everything was going along like a normal not making any sense dream. then at the very end it all slowed down and i turned around (in slow-mo) to realize i was on prairie street and i knew where i was. i saw the corner of church street and prairie st. and was taken aback that i was close to home. i felt like i had been gone on a long journey and hadn't been home in forever. as it was all sinking in that i was so close i felt some person pull on my arm and say, "come on let's go!" i thought about the party and all the new people i was going to meet. but i wasn't as excited anymore. i just wanted to go home. when i was waking up i thought i was in my room at home and was disappointed when i reminded myself i wasn't.



Got a garden of songs where i grow all my thoughts
Wish i could harvest one or two for some small talk
I'm always starving for words when you're around
Nothing on my tongue so much in my ground

Half the time i got my gaze trained on your motel door
Fourth door from the end
Rest of the time my gaze lays like a stain on the carpeted floor
If it weren't for my brain i'd go over and make friends
Too bad about my brain 'cause i'd like to make friends.

See the little song bird unable to make a sound
Even though she follows her words from town to town
We both have gardens of songs and maybe its okay
That i am speechless because i picked you this bouquet.