1936 St.

be happy.

-there is a new volunteer coming within the next two weeks
-we are only getting hit with five inches of rain and not a hurricane
-have yet to see any snakes (starting to think they are a myth)
-getting direct t.v. on thurs.
-my daddio is sending me some piano books to learn how to play piano
-get to go shopping for a birthday present for lucy
-found one of my absolute favorite cd's (the miseducation of lauryn hill) for ten bucks and bought it yesterday
-nexflix not only has movies movies but they also have all the alias seasons
-i am no longer in high school
-even though i can't hear amia's first laughs i can see her newest pictures

you see i am the queen when it come to suppressing my feelings. i can hold it all in for about a month or two before the emotions become too strong and i find myself in a tearful state. so you know when about a month ago i was all like, "uh-oh here comes the homesickness." yeah well i suppressed those feelings and now i'm starting to pay for it.

i had to make this list of things for myself because my dad made me home sick last night. first he was telling me how our house lay out is all different now and all those changes. then he went on to talk about how raizan isn't there anymore and told the story about her visiting. "she came right in and ate the apple pie and then went to work on the whipped cream." that's the dog i know. "yeah well she was all happy to see us and be home." that got me thinking...when i come home everything is going to be different and raizan won't be there to great me. my eyes teared up at that thought. then i told my dad how i was sad about that little difference, he said "oh don't worry we can arrange for raizan to be there when you come back. hey, you can even take her in all summer. you have visitation rights you know." haha THAT'S RIGHT I DO SARA!!! so that got me a little teary eyed but nothing was like when i asked about amia. dad was all, "oh yeah she's all laughing and pretty soon she'll be playing pick-a-boo." oh boy did i try to hold it in then but then i thought about what mom was saying, "she looks at you for a while now and if you start singing...oh she loves that." the tears started rollin'. i told my dad that i was now home sick because of all this. he told me to call suzanne and husayn to hear her laugh. being the dork that i am...i called suzanne and husayn. no one answered and i left the most pathetic voicemail the world has ever heard. note to self: never leave a voice mail while full on home sickness has hit. and it's not the big things like just thinking of people that get me tearin' it's those little things. like seeing someone with the same sandals suzanne has or someone saying the Blessed is the Spot prayer or watching alias without sara.

okay enough of this sad crap. there is an ice cream store down here that has all these unique and different flavors and you can add you own mix-ins. you create your own kind of ice cream. sound familiar? no it's not coldstone, it's marble slab. haha no joke. now i wonder who ripped off who?


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torn and confused, wasted and used
reached the crossroad which path would i choose
stuck and frustrated, i waited debated
for something that just wasn't fated
thought i wanted was something i needed
when momma said no i just should have heeded
misled i bled till the poison was gone
and out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn