my stomach is about to rumble and my face is white

one week and i'll be on my way to L.G. in the S.C. and one week ago mi familia threw me a party. husayn put it together so it was delicious. i'm talking full on pinata in the backyard, raining candy from the sky, home made brownies, cake batter ice cream from coldstone, a three round game of may i (after i got everyone to play i quit), and a game of settlers...which took liza all night to get me to play. i must say for me it was one of the most enjoyable games of settlers of katan i have ever played. let me paint you a picture of the game...i was the third person to place the absolute worse position because you are left with the crappy spots and get cut off everywhere you try to go...or so in my case. i wasn't really in the mood to play so i didn't care much about my placement and heavily invested in the number 4 on wheat (which is NEVER rolled). well in this game four got rolled about every other turn. i was in settlers heaven. and it was marelous. but as you all know when you are in settlers heaven all trading with you stops. most people don't mind this but for me the whole trading part in settlers is what gets me to play the game. in the end i managed to win. yay for going away parties!

this week while sitting alone at home with no car i have managed to take many bike rides, watch a lot of olympics, and realized that i can try and try and try but i will never be able to sections to my sidebar. but i have a feeling that after a few months at louis gregory i'll be able to figure it all out. what if there is no one else there but me? that would kinda stink. let's not think about that. let's think about the beeping oven and tyson's chicken tenders. which by the way are a far cry from costco's dinosaur chicken.

good-bye anya! 

Right Round baby Right Round

Circles are ugly when you realize when you end you are right back where you started.

Circles are beutiful when you realize how far you have come and what you have achieved when you get back to where you had first started.

but what about ten circles?

ten circles are... or more like becomes a rollercoaster of emotions while listening to dashboard twice.

ten circles and you can share your tears and frustrations with a complete stranger with one look of hope made ten times ten feet away on an average of every four minutes. to make a long story short; when the sign going into o'hare says "PARKING KEEP LEFT" and "ARRIVALS KEEP RIGHT" keep left and never look back. don't be a fool. go inside to meet your arrival at the gate or at least the luggage claim and who knows? you might even get a hug. just think twice before you circle and remember... YOU CIRCLE. YOU DRIVE. YOU LOSE.

that was lame, but there is no one to tell me that so it stays. am i making sence? of course not. i am on a no sence rampage in hopes i'll fall asleep from rereading what i just wrote. but, oh no, that is not going to work.

amia is back in town. and i must say she is the most beautiful baby. she was sleeping on my shoulder this afternoon and, well, i am no good with words, no good with stories, and no good with sleeping, but.....

amia+sleeping+my shoulder= me the happiest content most heart melted aunt there EVER was. yeah, that's right EVER. now do you understand how i felt? really i should talk like that when trying to you know..."talk". anya+bored+latenight=stupid post. anya+nex tyear=excitedly scared. circles+constant motion=drive away with person halfway in car.

you spin me.

right round.

baby.

right round.

Stanley's come and go, but Kenny is here to stay*

my poor dog. it is only raining, not even thundering, and she is hiding in the corner of the room. with her tail in between her legs, her ears flattened to her pea head, and her back hunched over. yup she will for sure be sleeping with me tonight. that scared cat. "hello my name is raizan. i am not a bat. i am not a moose and i am not a cat." my dog has identity problems. lucy tells me it's because i don't sing to her enough. well lucy the last time i sang to her it only resulted the waking of sara....a possible scary situation let me tell you. "i love you raizan. and if it's quite all right i need you raizan to warm the lonely nights...." is what i was silently singing to her when i heard sara get up and walk out her room. i froze (from fear) and pretended to be sleeping. "what was that noise?" okay, okay! so i don't have the most "beautiful" voice in the world, but i most definitely do not sound like a dying bird, SARA. it's just that when i was little i yelled a little and i think that might have damaged my vocal cords a bit. ahhm.

so sad. today was r.a.k.'s last get together before karen went off to western. it was sad. well actually it was a lot of fun. we attempted to go to lunch at all our favorite places (one of riane's greatest ideas). planning to first get a taco from taco bell, then head towards jimmy johns for a split sandwich, and then to portillos for fries (and maybe a shake...mmm) but alas this time riane and i had a ride and our stomachs and wallets did not make the trip to portillos. then we, naturally, went back to karens to see how kelly has changed, for the better, to the true greg that he is. man the naval academy is crazy. they wake up at 5:30 each morning and run while they stretch for their five mile run. that makes you lose weight in the face. ohhh...i just realized that by watching that we had actually watched a movie our last time together. that's special. then we made status: converted and cup cakes. and even took naps in-between.

on my way home i noticed that the gas tank was empty. i was thinking about driving it home and filling it up later. but then the memories of lucy freaking out and almost throwing up every time her gas gage read "E" i found myself heading towards the closest gas station. when i went to open the gas tank i couldn't get it open. after five minutes of trying to pry it open i was debating weather or not i should just leave. i was too embarrassed to pull in and then minutes later pull back out without getting gas. so i kept trying to pry it open praying someone i knew would pull in and help me. could you imagine? anyways i don't know how but i was able to open it. liza you should have warned me.

the olympics where amazing today. how the womens freestyle relay completely shattered the world record and not to mention paul hamm! oh my goodness. my sister told me before it aired that he won gold, but as i watched it i was convinced that she had read wrong and he was headlined for a bronze win after being in 12th after the fourth round. even though i knew the outcome i could not believe it while i was watching. good thing sara told me before though, i cannot take all the suspense while i watch close events when i have favorites. it is just too much. like watching michelle kwan compete. too much.

i kiss the sun....smoooch! and i kiss the moon....smmoooch!

how does that go again?

*name the show that this comes from and you win the ultimate meal of jimmy john's and jamba.

21 grams

every monday this summer i have been going to ruhi book one classes (a study circle thingy). each time i leave feeling relaxed and calm and my head is clear as my thoughts wheel through all the different points brought up. last night we started the section on Life and Death. and the purpose of this section? " To understand that life is not the changes and chances of this world, and its true significance is found in the development of the soul. True life, the life of the soul, occurs in this world for a brief time and continues eternally in other worlds of God."
with that purpose i knew that this section was going to be my favorite thus far. i usually am pretty quite during ruhi circles because i feel that i know so little. i stay silent and take in what everyone else brings to the discussion. but last night i felt comfortable to bring up my questions and thoughts. i guess i never thought about the details of the body and soul and how they come together to work together for the span of mortal life. i never really feared death, because when my grandma died when i was five i told my mom that i never want her or dad to die. she told me not to fear death because when we die we go to Abha Kingdom (heaven..for those non-bahias who are reading) where we will be closer to God and where grandma will be. from then on i never feared death; i only feared how i died. but then after last night while discussing life after death the progression of our eternal souls my fear of how i "go out" became smaller. how i die and the pain i may feel will only be for that moment and look where i'll go after the pain ceases.

uhh... i think that this blog is going to be a lot about me finding me and a way to document my spiritual growth. which is kinda appropriate for the up coming year, don't you think? errr... so sorry about being self-centered with this blog and writing much about myself. each entry (hehe at first i put entree hehehe i giggle at myself) won't be like that, i'll be sure to random it up.... you know that is my style. like, now, i really am 1/20th brazilian!

so as have late i have become/becoming a little obsessed with dashboard. i heard them first from launchradio from yahoo. and slowly my obsession has grown. i brought their newest cd yesterday and i think i'm going to buy one of their older ones if i ever get paid for my cold. that is if coldstone ever gives me my check for the one week of work. i'm too timid to call. i mean what do i say, "hi this is anya. you told me i would work with you for a month and you used me for my infamous labeling skills and then dumped me. so are you going to pay me for that one amazing week or what? oh and do you think you could keep a spot open for me next summer?" so if you ever go to the st. charles coldstone and are buying a cake and notice that all the fives are crooked...it WASN'T ME! okay it was. but you have to understand the fives were soooo hard to get straight.


man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
but lord it takes a lonely one to wish she had never dreamt at all


after you die you they say you lose 21 grams.

Think About the Love Inside the Strength of Heart

so many pop-ups; so many tears. connected to the internet and there were right away 12 waiting for me. twelve stubborn pop-ups that when you go to close them they "donngg" at you and don't close. oiy. so this morning i was determined to test my patients. i listened to a little bit of maroon5, damien rice, sugarcult, and dashboard while i logged on and waited for the pop-ups to come. and holy bible! they did. i at first gave them time to load and then went away to trying to close them. once i got one closed another one would open. but now, at last!, i was able to close them all and they have yet to returned. today is a good day to blog, me having patients.

people say it takes strength to speak up. but i think it takes as much strength to hold it all in. of my family of seven i was the extreme shy kid. every picture taken whenever we went to the House of Worship i was pouting. (oh no the pop-ups are back--full force)i guess my pouting was because of many reasons. i mean i didn't like dressing up and i absolutely hated sitting in the way back of the pickle (our old green station wagon) where it got all stuffy and i would get sick from riding backwards. one of the reasons was most definitely not because of the location. i loved the street before the House of Worship because it was stone and made the car bounce and then seeing the it as we approach was always once of my favorite parts or the car ride. plus i liked all the houses in the area. i also loved going inside downstairs where all the big pictures of the culturally diverse people were. oh and of course i loved going to the book store. but there was a downside of going to the House of Worship for me and that was the high risk of running into people that my parents knew. they would always try to talk to me and then when i would hide in my moms shoulders they would come around and put their faces right up to mine. that's when i would cry so that my mom would hold me tighter and stroke my hair and hopefully walk away from the person that was scaring me at the moment.

back to doing nothing. and feeling used. waiting all summer to start work and they only use me for a week to use my mad organizing skills to set up their back room and freezer. oh that freezer. two days straight in that 34 degrees (on a good day) freezer with all the ice cream. none of which i got for free, is it just me or is that unfair? well much to my delight amia carmen came up for her one month birthday!! but much to my dismay i cannot hold her for those two days of freezer labeling gave me a cold. curse this stupid freezer cold.

katie: "hi anya. umm...have you ever sprained something?"
anya: "you mean recently or in my lifetime?"
katie: "no...like in your lifetime."

the pop-ups got so crazy that i am now on the ibook. between the switch of bad computer to good computer i watched 13 going on 30 (one off my list), found my favorite jacket ever, and now am going to watch the olympics. yeah! olympics.



but you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away from you again
while you're chasin' ghosts

just bend the pieces til they fit
like they were made for it
but they weren't meant for this
no they weren't meant for this

I'll knaw your face off.

my parents snuck out of the house saying, "bye anya! i hope your chest that feels like something under your breast bone shattered and feel like those piece of what shattered are cutting up the lining under your breast bone gets better soon. we are taking your phone and the green phone book so if you there is an emergency you won't be able to call anyone. bye, have a good week working 10 to 8!!!" i was able to squeeze in there a, "wait, where are you guys going?" their responce? "oh you know minnesota, your favorite vacation spot. but you can't come because you start at your new job that you are only going to have for three weeks. bye! have fun!"

depression was close to setting in.

now i wonder can limes give you heart burn for three days? i don't know what is going on with my chest, but deep breathes are somewhat painful. maybe it's from being a little scared about how i'm getting down to south carolina. just two days ago my dad thought up this brilliant plan..."hey anya, what do you think about leaving on the 28th. Jamie and his girlfriend are driving out there." at first i told him whatever, knowing full well or at least praying that my mom would step in saying NONOnonononono. thankfully she did. whew. maybe my chest exploded when he mentioned that idea.

or maybe my chest felt shattered because i had not seen my children for two long weeks. if that is the case i have no worries about that happening next year when we are so far apart because when i showed vahid where i would be next year and where he would be he said, "oh don't worry anya. all we have to do is driving through here..." and he went on to show me how his family would drive to see me. then said, "and you can do the same. we will just go back and forth. it's so easy." after vahid convienced me that we will still see each other next year i was in such a happy mood that i started chasing him around the house. he took my hand and said--- oh wait no...scolded, "anya. no more being crazy." that kid had me laughing through out the night.

all i have to say is that i for one am jealous of all who got to go to minnesota this summer.

------

It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
Humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
Please, please, please forgive me

Yes! Yes! Yes! You! You! You! Your one in a ZILLION!! 

Par Avion

endless lime from jamba juice is mmm.mmm...good.

movies to see before i take flight:

1.) princess bride
2.) my best friends wedding
3.) a walk to remember
4.) what about bob
5.) bourne identity
6.) bourne supremacy
7.) kill bill volume one
8.) kill bill volume two
9.) manchurian candidate
10.) little black book
11.) 13 going on 30
12.) bridget jone's diary
13.) the village
14.) napoleon dynamite (...again)
15.) ocean's 11 (what is an onionlee movie list without it)

you see when it first hits your tounge you get the first impression that it is too intesnsely lime. but then as soon as that thought enters your mind the sherbert takes over and your tounge no longer feels overwhelmed by the intense yet yummy taste of lime.

songs and cd's i need to get/find:

1.) miseducation of lauryn hill
2.) and ani mix filled with her oldies
3.) not a pretty girl
4.) spiderman 2 soundtrack (with vindicated)
5.) dashboard confessionals cd
6.) sugarcult cd
7.) "she will be loved"
8.) "wrong way"
9.) "maps"
10.) "our love is like water"
11.) "lightening crashes"
12.) "leaving on a jet plane" by chantal krevizuk
13.) "cannonball" by damien rice

"it's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball"

haha the reminds me of russel..."The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't" too true russel, too true.

As you wish

yeah i know those aren't my sisters. they are my friends that look like sisters. they are actually riane and karen. and i don't know why the picture showed up tiny. but it did and i'm not one to figure things out if i don't feel passionate enough about it. so the picture is tiny and it will stay tiny and my template is simple and it will stay simple until some time this year i gain the courage to change it. it just takes some time for me to build up some courage.

did you see the entertainment weekly's top ten movie lines? the very first three were from princess bride!! i was like "yup that's the way it should be." i grew up watching that movie. each time our cousins got together we would watch it over and over again. then when i tried to get one of my friends to watch it at their house, they were like "hell no, i can't stand that movie!" and gave it to me. i was so happy.

----


Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current

So let me slip away