my biggest struggle thus far: being able to be me.
besides the fact that i miss everyone back home, i also miss just being myself. for the last two and half months i've been acting like how i would act at school if i didn't have a friend in my class. which is quite and reserved. gradually (slowly, very slowly) throughout the time i've been here i have been becoming less shy and reserved . but then last week i just got fed up with it and i completely stopped being that way. ever since then i've felt much better about things and i also felt more comfortable here.
i have been neglectful to my blog for the last month or so, i know. i'm sorry, i just didn't have anything i felt i needed to write. i finally got in touch with all my sisters and even got to talk to my whole family on thanksgiving. i also got to talk to a couple of friends. so it was the most wonderful thanksgiving i could have had here. anyways, i was talking to my dad last night and guess when my family is going to celebrate my birthday? since my birthday is January 8th, my family planned to celebrate it on december 24. it makes perfect sense when you think about it, like katie's wedding, everyone will be there, i'm leaving three days before my birthday and stuff like that. but still isn't that funny. december 24, like two weeks before my real birthday. but i'm looking forward to it, because for one i'll be home , two it's on christmas eve so it's kinda like i get to feel the excitement that everyone else feels on christmas eve, and three i'll be with my WHOLE family (which is what i always want for my birthday). oh no! is east china inn open on christmas eve?? this i must find out. i am beyond craving east china inn and if they are not open on christmas eve...i just don't want to think about that sort of disappointment right now. I'M COMING HOME IN ELEVEN AND A HALF DAYS!!
We never change, do we?
We never learned to leave,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
I wanna live life, always be true,
I wanna live life, and be good to you,
I wanna fly, and never come down,
And I live my life, and have friends around.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
one ticket for the crazy bus, please.
while waiting in the car i got overly excited about the most exciting topic to talk about...
"hey! let's talk about thanksgiving!"
...only to have my bubble bursted by (said in a 'you're crazy' tone)...
"...uhh, what about it?"
WHAT ABOUT IT? WHAT! ABOUT! IT!?--- i knew right then i was no longer in kansas. and by kansas (hi katie and nathan!) i mean illinois. it hit me hard. i am not home. i am not at a place or around people that have experienced a real thanksgiving. and by a real thanksgiving i'm talking about three day celebration full of people lining up to give you greeting hugs and hellos, lasagna on friday, capture the flag every night, carpetball during the day, real futbol on saturday afternoon followed by the reveal (and the inhalence) of the secret hiding place for the world famous "Becky's chocolate chip cookies", the best peanut butter cream pie your taste buds have every enjoyed, not to mention the worlds greatest buckeyes, and an overall great time spent with cousin's cousins. i miss those days. i miss them. i haven't been to a real thanksgiving in two years. TWO! years, people.
two. years.
even though i haven't had a true real thanksgiving in two years. i have had a real thanksgiving. and to explain a real thanksgiving i am going to use liza's explanation (because you did it so beautifully liza!)...
a real thanksgiving:
"We used to always go to Michigan for BIG extended-family fun (a.k.a. the real thanksgiving i'm talking about). But it got too complicated for various reasons and now we are in the process of figuring out what Thanksgiving will look like for us. Last year was our first "nuclear family only" ( a.k.a. the real thanksgiving i'm talking about ) Thanksgiving. Personally, I enjoyed it because it was such a unifying group effort. We had special teams: cooking team, set-up team, recreation team, and clean-up team. I made special badges for the teams (or least for the clean-up crew) and I recall a joyous scavenger hunt for prizes such as a back massage from Suzanne (and let's not forget all the egg nog and coke...mmm) . And then we all sat around and daydreamed about next year, when the baby would be with us (Suzanne and Husayn had just shared the news!)."
but even if you didn't get to experience my definition of a real or real thanksgiving how could you not like thanksgiving? Thanks. give. ing. a holiday to celebrate two of the best things in the world; family AND food. oh, boy! FAMILY AND FOOD celebrated TOGETHER ON THE SAME DAY! Could there be a better holiday!? i don't know what else to say. i mean, people, family AND food. AND food. could it get any better?
No, i think not.
and, yes, i did cry when my dad told me that my family was neither having a real or real thanksgiving this year. i mean it's just that sad.
"hey! let's talk about thanksgiving!"
...only to have my bubble bursted by (said in a 'you're crazy' tone)...
"...uhh, what about it?"
WHAT ABOUT IT? WHAT! ABOUT! IT!?--- i knew right then i was no longer in kansas. and by kansas (hi katie and nathan!) i mean illinois. it hit me hard. i am not home. i am not at a place or around people that have experienced a real thanksgiving. and by a real thanksgiving i'm talking about three day celebration full of people lining up to give you greeting hugs and hellos, lasagna on friday, capture the flag every night, carpetball during the day, real futbol on saturday afternoon followed by the reveal (and the inhalence) of the secret hiding place for the world famous "Becky's chocolate chip cookies", the best peanut butter cream pie your taste buds have every enjoyed, not to mention the worlds greatest buckeyes, and an overall great time spent with cousin's cousins. i miss those days. i miss them. i haven't been to a real thanksgiving in two years. TWO! years, people.
two. years.
even though i haven't had a true real thanksgiving in two years. i have had a real thanksgiving. and to explain a real thanksgiving i am going to use liza's explanation (because you did it so beautifully liza!)...
a real thanksgiving:
"We used to always go to Michigan for BIG extended-family fun (a.k.a. the real thanksgiving i'm talking about). But it got too complicated for various reasons and now we are in the process of figuring out what Thanksgiving will look like for us. Last year was our first "nuclear family only" ( a.k.a. the real thanksgiving i'm talking about ) Thanksgiving. Personally, I enjoyed it because it was such a unifying group effort. We had special teams: cooking team, set-up team, recreation team, and clean-up team. I made special badges for the teams (or least for the clean-up crew) and I recall a joyous scavenger hunt for prizes such as a back massage from Suzanne (and let's not forget all the egg nog and coke...mmm) . And then we all sat around and daydreamed about next year, when the baby would be with us (Suzanne and Husayn had just shared the news!)."
but even if you didn't get to experience my definition of a real or real thanksgiving how could you not like thanksgiving? Thanks. give. ing. a holiday to celebrate two of the best things in the world; family AND food. oh, boy! FAMILY AND FOOD celebrated TOGETHER ON THE SAME DAY! Could there be a better holiday!? i don't know what else to say. i mean, people, family AND food. AND food. could it get any better?
No, i think not.
and, yes, i did cry when my dad told me that my family was neither having a real or real thanksgiving this year. i mean it's just that sad.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
what is it, not be home when anya calls day or something?
Number of minutes on Anya's phone card two months ago: 416 minutes
first i call my parents. 26 minutes left on phone card
answering machine.
then i call my grandma. 25 minutes left on phone card
answering machine, i leave a message.
then i call my parents again. 24 minutes left on phone card
answering machine, i leave a message.
then i call suzanne. 23 minutes left on phone card
SHE ANSWERS!!
then i wait for katie to call. no use of phone card
suzanne calls back. "KATIE!!" i scream into the phone. "no, this is suzanne again. i called katie but i had to leave a message."
then i call liza. 2 MINUTES left on phone card
i think i get the machine when BRENT ANSWERS! he tries his best to pretend he is liza, well i wouldn't say it was his best but he tried. then my phone card decides to interupt--"YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE LEFT" i panic. ONE MINUTE I STILL HAVE TO TRY TO CALL SARA!!!
then i try to call sara. 0 minutes left on phone card
and i quote "YOU HAVE NO MORE MINUTES LEFT ON YOUR PHONE CARD."
the weather here (for this week at least) has turned cold. the thanksgivingatfreindswald cold. this naturally makes me homesick. i'm not talking about the "oh, i'm homesick. i miss everyone" homesick. i'm talking about the my eyes are puffy, red, and watery with body movement/language that screams "i'm depressed" homesick. but do you know what makes this type of homesickness better? suzanne ANSWERING her phone, waiting for katie to call, calling liza and having brent try to pretend he is her as i use up the last minute on my phone card, and trying to call sara even though my phone card has no more minutes. after my many attempts to contact my family (and actually getting to talk to one!) my spirits were lifted. i went from a the lows of lows to the highest of highs. now can you imagine if i had actually got to talk to all these people? i wouldn't have been able to sleep! you know what's really hard? to think of postive things when you are in the depressive homesick mood. it's tough, but i'm working on it as best as i can.
Number of minutes on Anya's phone card two months later: ZIP, ZERO, NONE, NO minutes
first i call my parents. 26 minutes left on phone card
answering machine.
then i call my grandma. 25 minutes left on phone card
answering machine, i leave a message.
then i call my parents again. 24 minutes left on phone card
answering machine, i leave a message.
then i call suzanne. 23 minutes left on phone card
SHE ANSWERS!!
then i wait for katie to call. no use of phone card
suzanne calls back. "KATIE!!" i scream into the phone. "no, this is suzanne again. i called katie but i had to leave a message."
then i call liza. 2 MINUTES left on phone card
i think i get the machine when BRENT ANSWERS! he tries his best to pretend he is liza, well i wouldn't say it was his best but he tried. then my phone card decides to interupt--"YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE LEFT" i panic. ONE MINUTE I STILL HAVE TO TRY TO CALL SARA!!!
then i try to call sara. 0 minutes left on phone card
and i quote "YOU HAVE NO MORE MINUTES LEFT ON YOUR PHONE CARD."
the weather here (for this week at least) has turned cold. the thanksgivingatfreindswald cold. this naturally makes me homesick. i'm not talking about the "oh, i'm homesick. i miss everyone" homesick. i'm talking about the my eyes are puffy, red, and watery with body movement/language that screams "i'm depressed" homesick. but do you know what makes this type of homesickness better? suzanne ANSWERING her phone, waiting for katie to call, calling liza and having brent try to pretend he is her as i use up the last minute on my phone card, and trying to call sara even though my phone card has no more minutes. after my many attempts to contact my family (and actually getting to talk to one!) my spirits were lifted. i went from a the lows of lows to the highest of highs. now can you imagine if i had actually got to talk to all these people? i wouldn't have been able to sleep! you know what's really hard? to think of postive things when you are in the depressive homesick mood. it's tough, but i'm working on it as best as i can.
Number of minutes on Anya's phone card two months later: ZIP, ZERO, NONE, NO minutes
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Wanna stay for dinner?!.....Wanna stay forever?!!
if there had been no peace fest this weekend or if telephones weren't invented halloween would have been really boring and really sad and pathetic. but (yay!) there was peace fest this weekend and the telephone was invented and there are actually telephone lines that reach hemingway, s.c. (gasp!). peace fest was a bit of a flop if you are counting the number of people that showed up. not as many people showed up as we would have liked but that was out of our control. but for me, peace fest was absolutely wonderful. i was adopted, got to be outside and enjoy the beautiful weather for once, was moving around having tons to do, and there were more than four people at dinner!! and that was just on saturday. on sunday i got to sleep in , take my time getting up,then i got to hand squeeze a bags of lemons for lemonade, got stuffed off of real southern cooking, and got to have some of the best brownies i have ever had.
it was nice to actually have people around and i was sad when mid-afternoon rolled around and everyone had to leave. "wanna stay for dinner?--wanna stay forever!!??" is what a small part of me wanted to scream as they said goodbye. okay, i lie. the majority of me wanted to scream as they said goodbye. then i went back to my trailer to find something to do for the rest of the night. right when i was starting to feel sad (that besides it was a eventful and fun day, in no way did it feel like halloween) i got one of the best phone calls of my life. OF MY LIFE PEOPLE, of my life! [much in part because due to the fact of the lack of people, i have become beyond talkative on the phone. i know, me!? the former ms. not a phone person of the century] and do you know who was on the other end of this phone call? well there was... my dad, tah, katana, chris, vahid, katana (again), my mom, daniel, kaylan, mady, matt , mady (again because matt left me!!), and matt (who decided to come back to talk to me).
it turns out that while trick or treating vahid (who used to live in batavia) saw that the lights were on in the house so he opened their door and walked right in and said, "hello! trick or treat! hi. i'm vahid. i used to live here, but now i don't. i live somewhere else now. but i used to live down the street."
[on the phone]
katana: anya, you come to play now?
me: not right now, but in december i will.
katana: you play with us? i miss you.
vahid: sometimes, when i am playing the games that we used to play together, it makes me think of you and i get sad. i miss you anya.
katana (the second time): you babysit us?
me: not today, but in december i will!
katana: anya?
me: yes katana?
katana: i love you.
mady: yeah at night vahid looks at the picture you gave him, which is on his night stand, rubs it... you know, like how he like to rub people's cheek when he wants them to make them do what he wants... and says, "i miss you anya." then gives it a hug from his bed and then says, "i'm going to say a prayer for anya now" and says the Blessed is the Spot prayer.
my heart melted, much like when i saw this picture. oh my goodness, what a heartmelter!
happy election day!
it was nice to actually have people around and i was sad when mid-afternoon rolled around and everyone had to leave. "wanna stay for dinner?--wanna stay forever!!??" is what a small part of me wanted to scream as they said goodbye. okay, i lie. the majority of me wanted to scream as they said goodbye. then i went back to my trailer to find something to do for the rest of the night. right when i was starting to feel sad (that besides it was a eventful and fun day, in no way did it feel like halloween) i got one of the best phone calls of my life. OF MY LIFE PEOPLE, of my life! [much in part because due to the fact of the lack of people, i have become beyond talkative on the phone. i know, me!? the former ms. not a phone person of the century] and do you know who was on the other end of this phone call? well there was... my dad, tah, katana, chris, vahid, katana (again), my mom, daniel, kaylan, mady, matt , mady (again because matt left me!!), and matt (who decided to come back to talk to me).
it turns out that while trick or treating vahid (who used to live in batavia) saw that the lights were on in the house so he opened their door and walked right in and said, "hello! trick or treat! hi. i'm vahid. i used to live here, but now i don't. i live somewhere else now. but i used to live down the street."
[on the phone]
katana: anya, you come to play now?
me: not right now, but in december i will.
katana: you play with us? i miss you.
vahid: sometimes, when i am playing the games that we used to play together, it makes me think of you and i get sad. i miss you anya.
katana (the second time): you babysit us?
me: not today, but in december i will!
katana: anya?
me: yes katana?
katana: i love you.
mady: yeah at night vahid looks at the picture you gave him, which is on his night stand, rubs it... you know, like how he like to rub people's cheek when he wants them to make them do what he wants... and says, "i miss you anya." then gives it a hug from his bed and then says, "i'm going to say a prayer for anya now" and says the Blessed is the Spot prayer.
my heart melted, much like when i saw this picture. oh my goodness, what a heartmelter!
happy election day!
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